


Priority: The Engagement

by Satine86



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Crack, Drinking Games, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-17 16:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2316578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satine86/pseuds/Satine86
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Shepard and Kaidan face their biggest challenge to date: getting married. Post-series crack where everyone's alive and the points don't matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Stepping out of the bathroom, towel wrapped loosely around his waist, Kaidan paused and looked over at Shepard still lounging in bed. It was a pleasant picture, to see her looking so carefree with a coffee cup in one hand, and a crime novel – an honest to God paperback book – in the other. She was completely engrossed with what she was doing, dark eyes skimming quickly over the pages, bottom lip caught between her teeth.

Looking closer, one could see she still bore the marks of a warrior, her dark brown skin lined with the scars of battle, death, and rebirth. She sat down her coffee cup on the nightstand and ran a hand over her head, fingers rasping against short cropped hair. Despite the softness of the morning light, her languid position, there was an undercurrent of power, and she was still every inch the great Commander Shepard; every inch the Savior of the Galaxy.

Every inch a living goddess.

Creeping forward, Kaidan settled on his side of the bed and started crawling carefully to her side. He pressed his face against her neck, placing a lingering kiss against her pulse point. She made a pleased sound in the back of her throat, but it quickly turned to dismay as she tried to pull away.

“Get away! You're getting the pages wet!” She held the book up, shaking it out. Kaidan laughed at her and shook his head, sending droplets of water flying everywhere. She let out an undignified shriek and swatted at him in earnest.

Still laughing, Kaidan flopped back on his pillows and looked at her from the corner of his eye, one brow arched. “Where’d you get a paperback anyway?”

“Around,” she said between blowing on the pages to the dry them. “Now shhh, I'm about to find out who the killer is. You're distracting me.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I'll leave you to it then.” He got up and made his way to the wardrobe in the corner of the small bedroom; the apartment they were staying in wasn't anything fancy, not like Anderson's, just a prefab on base but it was home. Their home.

“You bastard!” Shepard yelled after him. Kaidan paused with a pair of boxers in one hand, glancing over his shoulder.

“What?”

“You know very well what.” She held up his discarded towel between two slim fingers. “It's your fault I didn't finish this book last night, and now this?”

“So?” he shrugged innocently, “it's not like you haven't seen it before.”

“Oh, don't you play coy, Alenko! You know exactly what you're doing.”

He placed a hand over his heart. “I'm hurt you would think I'm disrupting your leisure time on purpose.”

Shepard snorted and flung the towel to the floor. “That was almost as convincing as your,” she paused and lowered her voice to a husky rasp, eyes hooded, “'a quick drink and then I'll go'.”

“I don't sound like that.”

“Yeah, you kinda do.” She was giggling now, eyes light.

“Well,” Kaidan drew out the word and pulled on his boxers. “If that's how you feel, maybe.... I should go.”

“That was a low blow.”

“I thought it was funny.”

“You would.”

He eyed her askance, “what is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” She offered up a wide smile and patted the bed beside her, the book now completely forgotten. Kaidan obeyed, but still wary of what she might do once he was close enough. The second he sat on the edge of the bed, Shepard yanked him down and flung a long leg over his waist to straddle him.

“I thought you had a book to finish?”

“You've ruined the mood.”

“In that case, maybe you'd like a surprise?”

“Aren't we past the need for euphemisms, Kaidan?” She ground her hips against his to prove her point.

Kaidan shut his eyes briefly and huffed out a sigh. “Not what I meant... I mean a present.”

“A present!?” It was amazing how quickly she went from temptress to overly excited five year old on Christmas morning. Of course, Shepard hadn't ever really had any Christmas mornings... or birthdays. So it was understandable she took great pleasure in those types of things. It was something Kaidan found infinitely endearing.

“It is the new scope for the black widow? Please say it's the new scope for the black widow!” She wiggled in excitement. That didn't help his focus.

“No, but I have it on good authority that a certain friendly turian will be bringing one next time he visits,” Kaidan said.

“Oooh! See, that's why Garrus is my best friend.” She paused, frowning. “Don't tell Liara I said that. Or Tali... or Miranda...”

“Maybe you should say he's your best turian friend?”

“I like that. Very diplomatic, I'll have to remember that for any future interviews. Liara is my best Asari friend.....”

“What about Samara?”

“Best Justicar friend. I'll have to work out the details for all the biotics, though.... Miranda and Jack can have special titles, like best tattooed friend; Jacob can be best biotic friend, I guess.” Shepard tapped her chin, deep in thought.

“What does that make me?” Kaidan asked, affronted. 

Shepard stopped and a slow grin spread across her face. “Best _boyfriend_ ,” she emphasized with another little wiggle.

“That makes it sound like you have more than one.”

“Well, I do get a lot of invitations through the extranet. You better watch your back, Alenko.” She patted his cheek gently. “Now.... present!”

He looked up at her, trying to muster a serious face. “What present?”

“Kaidaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!” was the wailed reply, and he laughed. Not many people got to see the Savior of the Galaxy whine.

“Alright, top drawer.” He nodded to his nightstand. Eyes lighting up, she reached across gleefully, yanking open the drawer and fishing around inside. First she pulled out his reading glasses, with a pout those were unceremoniously dropped to the floor.

“Careful! You'll break them.”

She glanced back at him, eyes crinkling slightly. “What's the matter old man, can't see without your glasses?”

“Not everyone was lucky enough to hit pause on the whole aging thing.” Which was true, between the two years she spent being rebuilt by Cerberus and her cybernetic implants – both new and old – she barely looked thirty, let alone her biological thirty-five.

Time, Kaidan thought, had not been nearly as kind to him. His hair was slowly graying at the temples, and the laughter lines at the corners of his eyes had long since turned into full blown wrinkles. Though he supposed he could blame her, grief does age a person.

“Pft! _Some_ of us were always older. Randy old men, corrupting innocent young misses.” She batted long lashes, trying for demure and failing.

Kaidan snorted. “You outranked me. Clearly you were the one doing the corrupting. I never stood a chance.”

“I didn't always outrank you, _Major_.”

“But you did then, clearly this has all been a breach of protocol.... I should go.” He started to sit up, but she shoved him back onto the bed.

“Not until I open my present.” She leaned forward, planted a quick kiss on his lips, and went back to digging through his nightstand. Finally she held up her hand triumphantly, a box clutched in her fist.

“I could take it back, there's probably regulation about giving gifts to superior officers....”

“Nuh uh! It's mine now, no take backs.” She clambered off his lap and crossed her legs, looking down at the small box. 

“No take backs? Are you five?”

“Maybe.” She stuck out her tongue, attention entirely on the box. She eyed it warily, like she might a bomb ready to detonate. Carefully she lifted the box to her ear and shook it. There was no sound. Kaidan laughed. “What is it?” she asked absently, turning it over in her hands.

“Open it,” he suggested, and suddenly he was so nervous he felt like he was going to vomit. He waited, holding his breath as her fingers gently pried open the tiny box that held his entire future.

“Oh,” she breathed, staring down at the ring nestled inside.

“It-it was my grandmother's,” Kaidan said quickly, the sudden, heavy silence too much to bear. “If you don't like it--”

“I love it. It's beautiful.” She lifted the ring out of the box, holding it aloft in the early morning light. It was a simple white gold band, set with a square cut topaz bluer than the ocean. Not the most traditional engagement ring, but Shepard wasn't exactly a traditional woman.

“Does this mean you're....” she trailed off and met his eyes, brows lifted.

“Yeah,” he nodded and managed to swallow past the lump in his throat. “What do you say?”

A bright smile spread across her face, one that had once been rare but recently had become commonplace; a smile he thought was the most beautiful thing in the world; a smile she reserved only for him. She slipped the ring on her finger and leaned forward, close enough that her lips brushed his.

“I say yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still with me, thank you! Just a quick note, then I'll leave you alone and get back to editing. 
> 
> This Shepard is based off my Corinne Shepard -- Earthborn, technician, mostly paragon with a sarcastic renegade streak (think a bit Purple!Hawke if you're familiar with Dragon Age). Faceclaim is Lupita Nyong'o. 
> 
> This started with the idea of being fix-it fic that fell somewhere between your average RomCom and the Citadel DLC.... so utterly ridiculous and full of tropes.


	2. Chapter 2

Pacing around their tiny living room, Shepard ran her hands over her head in a motion that usually soothed her. At the moment it didn't have the desired effect, though she doubted anything would.

Finally she stopped in front of Kaidan and thrust her hand into the air, trying for a heroic pose. “I am the Savior of the Galaxy! I have faced down Heretic Geth, husks, taken out the Collectors and destroyed the Reapers.”

She tried to speak with confidence, but it didn't really work to make her _feel_ confident. At the end of her speech, her shoulders slumped and she felt on the verge of pouting. “I've done all that but this is still scary. Can't I have a gun? I think I would feel better if I had my gun.”

Kaidan laughed and pulled her close, letting her bury her face in the crook of his neck. He smelled clean, like soap and aftershave, and she clung to him like a drowning turian to a life preserver. She loved moments like this. With Kaidan there was no agenda, no face to put on... it was just them.

“We're only calling my parents, how bad can it be?” His voice was soft and soothing, like the hand running up and down her back.

“But it's your parents!”

“You've talked to them before.”

Shepard pulled back to look him in the eyes. “That was back when they were just Kaidan's mom and dad, now they're suddenly my future in-laws. I don't know how to deal with that.”

“It's easy, we call them, you say hello.” He nodded at her slowly, encouraging. “Then you tell them what an amazing, handsome son they have. How madly in love you are with him, and that you want to spend the rest of your life by his side. Because he's _that_ wonderful.”

“Ha ha.” She pulled back completely and returned to stalking around the room. She stopped mid-step, a sudden thought coming to mind. “Kaidan?” she asked slowly.

“Yeah?” he asked just as slowly. He was still amused, his lips twitching, and that irritated her. This was important.

“After everything on Horizon... did you talk to your parents about me? You must've right, I was back from the dead.” She shifted her weight, worrying her lower lip. “What if that's all they think of when they hear my name? What if they actually hate me? What if they think I'm not good enough because I broke your heart?”

“No,” Kaidan shook his head, eyes growing sad. “They wanted to, I didn't.” He shook himself and stood up, crossing to her. Strong arms engulfed her, pulling her close again. 

Kaidan planted a kiss on the top of her head, then rested his cheek against the same spot. “You've saved everyone in the galaxy several times over, you've cured the Genophage, brought peace to the quarians and the geth. Worst cast scenario they're going to think _I'm_ not good enough for _you_.”

Shepard leaned back, letting Kaidan support her weight, and brought up her hand to smooth the line between his brows, “Well that’s just silly.”

The ring on her finger glinted under the florescent lights in the living room, and she grinned. “Besides the ring is mine now, no take backs. You're stuck with me, Major.”

“I can live with that.” He laughed and dipped his head, capturing her lips in a gentle kiss. She returned the favor, dug her fingers into his hair, and deepened the kiss.

“You know,” Kaidan said around the kiss, “distracting me doesn't mean I won't forget about calling my parents.”

“Bastard.” She nipped his lower lip and untangled herself from his arms. “Okay, here I go.”

Shepard brought up her omni-tool, ready to dial his parents' number, oddly happy that comms were spotty as they were and there wouldn’t be any video feed with the call. She caught his gaze over the orange glow, a little hesitant. “Are you sure I can't just have the gun next to me?”

“Corinne,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Use of the first name meant business, unless he was calling her 'Rin'... that was something else entirely.

“Fine, fine.” She took in a deep breath and hit the button. She really shouldn't be scared, they'd been nothing but kind to her the handful of times she'd spoken with them over the course of her recovery after the war. His mother was outgoing and sweet, his father was far more reserved... still a military man in many ways, and that always made her feel comfortable.

There was a click on the other end, then the pleasant voice of Emi Alenko sounded, “Hello?”

“Hi, Emi. It's Shep—Corinne. It's Corinne.” She bit her lip, annoyed at stumbling over her words. She slapped Kaidan's arm when he covered his mouth, failing to hide his laughter.

“Corinne! What a lovely surprise. How is everything?” Shepard could hear the woman's grin, and that made her even more nervous. Why was she sharing the news anyway? They were Kaidan's parents.

“I was calling... news. We – Kaidan and I have – have news.”

“She said yes, mom,” Kaidan broke in, finally taking pity on her. Shepard breathed a sigh of relief.

“I knew she would! I am so happy for you both!” There was a rustling sound on the other end, and then Emi's muffled voice yelling, “SHE SAID YES!”

A deep voice sounded in reply, but Shepard couldn't tell what was said.

“Your father says congratulations. So when are you coming out here for a visit?” his mother asked.

“Uh.. we hadn't really thought about it,” Shepard said, eyes going wide. A visit. Crap. “It's hard to get away... you know Alliance business... all the paparazzi.”

The paparazzi had become the bane of their existence, though their apartment on base afforded them a lot of privacy. It was also convenient for Shepard's seemingly endless meetings and doctor appointments. Of course, things were finally settling down, rebuilding was going well and she'd recently gotten the all clear from Miranda and Chakwas...

“You have to come for a visit, I won't accept no for an answer!”

“We, uh, we would love to mom, but–“ Kaidan started but Shepard cut him off.

“That sounds wonderful, Emi. When should we come?” she asked, surprising herself and Kaidan, his eyes widening.

“Are you serious?” he mouthed.

Shepard shrugged helplessly. She didn't know what had possessed her.

“The end of the month would be perfect, it would give me time to prepare! Would the thirtieth work?” Shepard could practically hear Emi thrumming with excitement.

“Perfect!,” she found herself saying, “We'll be there.”

“Alright, now I'm sure you have other calls to make, so I'll let you go. But we'll be in touch soon!” After a quick goodbye, the line went dead and Kaidan caught Shepard's eye.

“Did you really just agree to that?”

“I guess I did?” Suddenly a thought struck her, the realization of meeting his extended family. Aunts and Uncles and Cousins. It would be a media circus if word got out. “Kaidan, the press! They can't know I'm me!”

“Relax,” he said soothingly, “I've had that talk with mom ages ago. She'll keep that quiet, for a while.”

“Oh. Okay. Good.” She let out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. “Though maybe we should call her back and remind her?”

Shepard was about to hit call back when her omni-tool started beeping with an incoming call. Strange. 

“Hello?” she answered tentatively.

“Shepard.”

“Liara?” She frowned. “What's up?”

“YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP!”

Shepard’s frown deepened. “Tali?”

“I thought a group call would be best, Shepard.”

“Group... call? Wait, who all is in on this?”

“Almost everyone,” Liara said. “I couldn't get hold of Wrex though, Bakara said he was having a meeting with Wreav. I heard yelling and I think someone head-butted someone else.”

“Sounds like a normal chat then.”

“Don't get off topic!” Tali yelled. “You have something to tell us!”

“I have... I what?” Shepard narrowed her eyes, her voice low. “How do you know?”

“I might have Glyph keeping tabs on all incoming and outgoing calls. It's a... safety protocol,” Liara said timidly.

“Safety my ass, Liara! That is a total breach of-of everything!”

“You _are_ the most famous name in the galaxy, Shepard..... and there was that ex-Cerberus splinter cell causing problems--”

“Shut up, Garrus! No one asked you!”

“I thought engagements were supposed to make a person jubilant, not cranky.”

“Garrus,” she growled.

“We're completely off topic again!” Tali cut in again. “SHEPARD YOU ARE ENGAGED!”

“Yes, we are! It's a very happy day! Now goodbye!” Shepard cut the line before anyone could say anything else. She looked up at Kaidan. “Our friends suck.”

“They're efficient though,” he said, looking at his omni-tool. “Liara, Miranda and Garrus all sent me congratulations, along with some thinly veiled threats of bodily harm if I break your heart.” His eyes trailed over the messages. “Tali, bless her, said she's very excited for us and has come to think of me as a brother... but that she thought of you as a sister first, so if I hurt you in any way she will not hesitate to use her shotgun. And she will tell Chiktikka to go for... the, uh, sensitive bits.”

Shepard groaned and covered her face with both hands.

“At least they're loyal? Oh,” Kaidan breathed when his omni-tool beeped. “Grunt....”

“I don't even want to know!” she moaned into her hands.

A few keystrokes told her Kaidan had shut down his omni-tool. “Look on the bright side, at least the engagement won't be boring?” His voice was full of amusement.

She peeked at him through her fingers. “I would like boring.”

“Unfortunately, that's not your life.” He laughed and pulled her in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note! Since there's no real evidence regarding Kaidan's background/family, I'm going with the headcanon that his mom is Singaporean and Japanese, and his father is of Ukrainian (Which is the origin of "Alenko" I believe?) and First Nations descent. This doesn't really mean much for the actual story, just a few throw away lines here and there.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a miracle.

Actually it was several.

First that his parents house was still standing, mostly untouched from the ravages of war. Second was the fact both his parents were still alive, his mom had always been in contact, his father had dropped off the radar for a short time only to turn up in a refugee camp after the Reapers were destroyed. Third it was a bloody miracle he and Shepard had made it to Vancouver unnoticed.

Of course it helped to have friends in high places.

The house was much as he remembered it: a sweeping bungalow nestled atop a cliff on the north shore of English Bay, a wraparound deck hugging the structure. The winding gravel driveway was lined with evergreen trees and rhododendron bushes – they were in full bloom, covered in vibrant puffs of blushing pink, royal purple, and bright magenta. Bees buzzed from flower to flower, weighing down the branches. The area around the house was covered in thick, lush grass, and flowerbeds stuffed full of perennials pressed against the house.

It was home.

Kaidan took a deep breath, the air clean and fresh, and in the distance he could hear the water lapping against the shore below.

“Holy shit,” Shepard breathed next to him.

“What?”

“This place is gorgeous.”

“I told you.”

“Yeah but I was expecting your description to be colored by nostalgia, not to mention the place to have been hit during the war... but this?” She held out her hands in a sweeping gesture. “This is paradise.”

“I know,” Kaidan agreed. “Just think, we get a week of sipping beer on the deck.”

“Assuming your parents like me.”

“They're going to love you,” he assured her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “They'll love you because I love you.”

“You say that now...” she groused. Kaidan shook his head as the front door opened and his mother came bustling out.

“Kaidan!” she cried, hurrying down the steps to meet them halfway. “How is my boy?” she asked when she drew near.

“I'm goo--” he stopped short when his mother reached up, mashing his face between both hands and yanking him down to her level. Always petite, barely reaching Kaidan's chest, she made up for it with a big personality. At sixty-five she barely hardly looked forty, only her graying hair belied her smooth face.

“You look so handsome, and like you've actually been eating.” Keen brown eyes surveyed him closely.

“Yeah,” he managed, face still squished and lips puckered slightly. Honestly his cheeks were starting to hurt. Though he couldn't begrudge his mother too much, he'd only been home once since the end of the war, opting to spend his time with Shepard while she healed.

Finally his mother let go of his face and he gathered her up in a tight hug, dropping a kiss on top of her head. “It's good to see you, mom.”

“You too.”

Letting go, he took a step back and placed a hand on Shepard's back, shoving her forward a bit. “Mom, I'd like to officially introduce Corinne Shepard.”

“You're even prettier in person! The old interviews don't do you justice!” His mother launched forward, grabbing Shepard's face in the exact same way she had his, eyes scrutinizing. “They never show your photo in newsreels anymore, such a shame. You could be a model. Now, come inside... your father is hovering around here somewhere.”

She continued chattering as they gathered up their luggage and followed her inside. Shepard looked a little dazed by it all, but finally a small smile tugged at her lips and she glanced toward Kaidan.

“Does she always do the face smoosh thing?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“That's adorable. She's adorable.” Shepard gave him a full smile. “Now I know where you get it from.”

“Shut up.”

“Are you blushing?” She was laughing now.

“No,” he mumbled, ducking his head even as his face heated up.

“You ARE blushing, that's even more adorable. My fiancee is adorable.”

“ _My_ fiancee is a brat.” He shook his head, realizing they were still standing in the hall and his mother was nowhere to be found. “Mom? Did you put us in the guestroom? Or my old one?”

“The guestroom, we thought Corinne would like the view better.” Kaidan sat down his bags and turned to find his father standing in the entryway leading to the family room.

“It's good to see you, dad.” Kaidan stepped forward and embraced him, earning a sound pounding on the back.

“You too, son.” His father pulled back, eyes focused just beyond Kaidan's shoulder. “And this must be the one and only Commander Shepard. Or is it Rear-Admiral now?”

His father tossed off a salute, which Shepard returned out of pure habit. Letting her hand drop, she shook her head. “Neither. It's just Corinne... this is a vacation.”

“Which is well deserved, I’m sure,” he laughed and hugged Shepard. She was grinning at Kaidan over his father’s shoulder.

“YOU LOOK LIKE HIM!” she mouthed excitedly.

Kaidan had heard that more than once growing up, he supposed it was even more noticeable with age. There were worse things he could imagine. He'd always endeavored to be more like his father: calm, stoic, and honorable.

“It really is wonderful to finally meet you in person,” his father was saying. Shepard nodded fiercely.

“I feel the same.”

“We haven't seen much of Kaidan, but from the calls and messages, he hasn't sounded happier,” his father confided in a stage whisper.

“That feeling is mutual,” Shepard replied.

“Glad to hear it. You know, I didn't realize you were still so young.” His father eyed Shepard closely, looking serious. “Maybe there's still hope for grandchildren!” he finally burst out, clapping his hands together happily. 

Kaidan blanched as Shepard's eyes widened comically.

“I uh....” she started to say but his father was already picking up their luggage.

“Come along, let's get you two settled before people start arriving.”

“Before what?” Kaidan asked.

“Before people start showing up for dinner.” His father frowned. “Didn't your mother tell you?”

“No,” he drew out the word. “I mean, I assumed there would be visitors while we were here... but I thought it was going to be quiet, you know?”

“It will be quiet!” His mother appeared at his elbow, a spatula in hand. “It's just immediate family over for dinner.”

“Immediate family? That's....” he started ticking off his fingers. “I don't even know how many people that is anymore!”

“Exactly! You haven't seen anyone since well before the war started. You were stationed on Horizon, almost taken by Collectors! Then you nearly died on Mars, and then you were named the second human Spectre. Now you're engaged! The family needs to see you.”

“Yeah, but mom...”

“No buts, Kaidan!” She brandished the spatula in front of his face. “Besides, it's too late to un-invite everyone.”

“What if word gets out to the press? Then we'll have drones peeping in the windows!” He waved a hand at the floor to ceiling windows in the family room, overlooking the bay.

“I haven't mentioned Corinne's last name to anyone. Besides everyone is under strict orders not to mention anything to anyone outside of the family. I told them you didn't want a fuss.” His mother nodded her head as if that solved everything.

“The family still accounts for half the population of Vancouver! I'm sure at least one of them works for a news outlet!”

“Don't be absurd, Kaidan.”

“Just ignore him,” Shepard cut in. “He gets like this sometimes.” She reached out, patting his face condescendingly.

“Shepard,” he warned.

“What?”

They were interrupted by his mother shooing them down the hall, ordering them to unpack and clean up. He and Shepard obeyed, shuffling into the guestroom at the end of the hall. The trek was slow going as Shepard kept pausing before various pictures lining the walls, cooing over what a cute kid he was.

Finally entering the room, he sat down their bags and covered his face with both hands, “this is a nightmare.”

“I don't know, it sounds kind of fun to me,” Shepard said, sidling up behind him. She circled her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his shoulder. “Is this like a family full of Kaidans? I could get used to that.”

“Pft!” he snorted. “As a collective they're about as subtle as.... as Clan Urdnot.”

“Okay, that's terrifying.”

“Mhm,” he hummed. “Now you see the problem.” 

“Is that why you really left for space? To escape?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” 

Shepard tried not to laugh, breath whooshing out on a hiss through her nose. She pulled back and grabbed his hand, guiding him to sit on the edge of the bed. Looking down at him she mashed his face between her hands like his mother had.

“I promise it will be okay.”

“You say that now.....”

“Hey, as long as no one headbutts anyone, we're golden!”

Kaidan grinned up at her wickedly. “I'll hold you to that.” 

“Hardy har har. When did you turn into a comedian?”

“I've always been funny.”

“Right, with your dad jokes.” She rolled her eyes.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

She giggled – actually giggled – and started raking her fingers through his hair. “It means you'll be prepared when we start popping out _grandbabies_.”

“I, uh... yeah, I'm sorry about dad and...”

“It's fine. I have to admit as soon as he said it, I started picturing a mini-Kaidan tottering around. With dark curls and big puppy-dog eyes, he'd get away with murder.” She sighed.

Kaidan pulled her closer, lacing his fingers behind her back. “What about a little girl with your nose and panache for headbutting people?”

She snorted and leaned forward to press her forehead against his. “We don't need that... we already have Grunt.”

“We do have Grunt,” he agreed.

“And EDI, in a funny way.”

Kaidan scrunched his face. “I'm not going to think of EDI as a pseudo-child.”

“Oh?” She quirked a brow and pulled back. “What are you going to think of EDI as?”

“As a grown woman... machine.... thing.”

“Okay, Kaidan, you keep on thinking of EDI as a grown machine.” She untangled herself from his grip, but her eyes were light and her lips were twitching. She laid a hand across his face, and he closed his eyes to avoid getting poked in the eye. “EDI is very open-minded... though it might take a little convincing to get Joker to share, but I'm sure you can manage it.”

“Rin...” he braced his hands against his thighs, starting to stand, and she dropped her hand, dancing out of reach.

“No, really. It's fine. I mean the body only tried to kill you.... that's a total turn on.” Her voice shook with barely suppressed laughter as Kaidan lurched to his feet, intending to catch her. She moved to the far side of the bed, stretching her arms over head.

“You know,” she said around an over exaggerated yawn, “I think I'll take a quick catnap. I'm bushed after the trip HERE!” The word ended on a shriek as Kaidan dove for her, sending them both toppling onto the mattress.

Shepard grinned up at him serenely. That set him on edge. “Did all the talk about EDI put you in the mood, Major?”

“You think you're so cute, don't you?”

“I know I'm so cute.”

“Mhm,” he mumbled, leaning down to kiss her neck, her jaw, anywhere he could reach.

She tilted her head, eyes fluttering shut as her fingers dug into his hair. “How long until people start showing up?”

“Long enough.”

“Good.”


	4. Chapter 4

When Shepard thought about meeting Kaidan's extended family, she pictured enough people to fill up the large dining room table – aunts and uncles, a few cousins. What she got instead were enough people to fill the house to the brim, spill over onto the large wraparound deck **and** the front yard. The huge dining table, with all the leaves filled in, was covered in more food than Shepard had ever seen in her life.

The house was warm, even with all the doors thrown open to make it easy for people to mill around from area to area; and the noise was deafening, the vaulted ceiling and hardwood floors doing little to help the matter.

She'd been introduced to nearly everyone, or so she thought, but she couldn't recall anyone's name. Thankfully she hadn't pressed to remember... yet. No one recognized her either, and that helped to relieve some of her anxiety.

With a beer in hand she was staring dumbly at the buffet, feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. A body stopped next to hers, radiating calmness and security and she turned toward Kaidan, fighting the urge to bury her face in his chest.

“I didn't realize you had so many relatives," she whined. "There are enough people to man every post on the Normandy and still have some leftover."

“I wasn't exaggerating.” He placed an arm around her shoulders, thumb rubbing her arm soothingly.

“I don't know who anyone is, and I don't know what any of this is!” She waved a hand at the table.

“Well, you see,” he gestured his beer hand, “it's all a mishmash. Mom's side does weird fusion foods, heavy on Southeast Asian. Generally it's hard to tell what you're gonna get. Dad's side is less adventurous, more traditional Canadian fare there.”

“What? Ukraine isn't known for it's haute cuisine?”

Kaidan shrugged, “I think I saw a tray of holubtsi earlier; those are stuffed cabbage rolls.”

Shepard wrinkled her nose. “I think I'll stick with beer.”

“Always a wise choice,” he said, clinking his bottle against hers.

Resting against Kaidan, Shepard let her eyes trail over the numerous family members and the house. God, the house. It was magnificent: polished floors, massive windows and french doors, rich colors. It practically put Anderson's apartment to shame. She actually kinda missed that apartment... she sure as hell missed Anderson.

She was roused from her thoughts by Kaidan gently calling her name.

“Huh?” She blinked and looked around.

“I was asking if you'd set a date yet!” One of Kaidan's cousins asked; she was one of the younger ones, in her early twenties with a riot of brown of curls.

“Uh....”

“Gail,” Kaidan whispered before taking a swig of his beer.

“No, Gail, we haven't. We hadn't really discussed that yet, I mean the engagement just happened.” She glanced down at the ring on her hand. It was strange, getting used to the jewelry, but she liked it. She really liked it. “But... I guess it should be sooner rather than later?”

She glanced up at Kaidan, he quirked a brow in surprise but obviously wasn't opposed to the idea. Shepard looked back at Gail and smiled. “It won't be anything fancy though, we'll probably just head down to the justice of the peace--”

As soon as the words left her mouth it was like someone had sucked all the air out of the room. The background noise and chatting voices stopped, and Shepard felt like every eye in the room was trained on her.

“Oh boy,” Kaidan breathed and took another swig of his beer.

“Nooooo!” Several cousins and aunts cried in unison, converging on Shepard like a horde of husks. Kaidan was shoved to one side, and if she didn't know any better she would've said the bastard was laughing. The nerve!

“You can't go to the justice of the peace!” One of Kaidan's aunts was saying. Shepard thought her name was Marie, but she couldn't be sure. “We have to have a wedding!”

“That's right, after the war we need to take every opportunity for a celebration,” a cousin cut in. “What better reason for a celebration than a marriage!”

“We'll help you plan it!”

“Absolutely! We have lots of experience, some of us are practically professionals at this point.”

“I... uh...” Shepard had never felt more lost in her life. Her hand itched for a gun, for the sense of security and familiarity, but she didn't have one.

“We can have it here in Vancouver, whenever you like!”

Shepard looked around at the faces surrounding her, they all seemed so happy, so enthusiastic. She'd never once imagined herself getting married, she'd never been the type. As a little girl it was all about survival, then it was all about doing what she had to for the Reds.

When she was older her life became about duty and orders and saving the entire fucking Galaxy, it wasn't like it left a lot of time to fantasize about flower arrangements and wedding vows. She glanced at Kaidan over his aunt's shoulder, his father was saying something and Kaidan shook his head, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth.

Kaidan, she thought with a fond sigh.

So steady, so calm.... so many things she was not. And yet so similar. He was principled and stoic and loyal almost to a fault. They'd had their shares of ups and downs, and they'd broken each other's heart... but that was just how it was. That was them.

Fucked up and broken, but somehow they fit. Their jagged edges molding together into something great. Something perfect.

She smiled as she looked at him; always so handsome and kind and patient. She'd never imagined herself getting married, never really could picture it. But in that moment, staring at Kaidan, she could finally see it.

And his family was right, every happy thing... every moment of joy needed to be remembered and cherished. There had been too much pain, too much suffering. It was time for life to move forward.

Knocking back a gulp of beer, she finally nodded, smiling at those around her. “Yeah, alright. We don't _need_ to report back anytime soon... let's do it.”

There was excited clapping and cheering from everyone, and she was aware of Kaidan appearing at her side again. He bent his head close to hers, a gentle hand on her lower back.

“Did you really just agree to that?”

She nodded, a smile spreading across her face. “Yeah, I guess I did.” Turning to face him, she laid a hand on his chest, grinning a bit wider. “Looks like we're getting married, Major.”

“Looks like it,” he agreed with a smile.

Kaidan leaned forward and just before his lips met hers, she was yanked away by an excited cousin – second cousin? – and thrown into the middle of chaos. “There's plenty of time for that later! We have a wedding to plan!”

“Corinne, what flowers do you like?”

“Favorite color?”

“We'll have to have it outdoors to accommodate...”

“I know the perfect place!”

Shepard stared dumbly as everyone started speaking at once. She had commanded squadrons, captained an Alliance ship, dealt with the politics of the Council, had negotiated peace in two separate, century long feuds, and yet she had never felt more lost in all her life as she did when someone asked her if she preferred taffeta or satin.

 

* * *

 

It took hardly any work to free up their schedules with the Alliance, Shepard supposed there were a few perks to being important. She'd also had Traynor ship up some of their things for the extended stay.

Kaidan's mother was overjoyed with it all.

Shepard was happy for the respite, the location was beautiful and Kaidan's mother was an excellent cook when she wasn't trying to be too fancy with her fusions, and the wedding prep itself was fairly innocuous after the initial bombardment. At least so far. 

They'd been in Vancouver close to two weeks, and Shepard was lounging in one of the Adirondack chairs lining the deck. It was a beautiful day, sunny with a cool breeze. Kaidan and his parents had run into town for some grocery shopping, while she had elected to stay behind and nurse a cold beer.

Settling back in her chair and closing her eyes, a whoosh of air sounded beside her.

“Good day, Commander Shepard.”

Shepard jolted upright, eyes flying open, beer clutched so tightly her knuckles were white. “Glyph,” she managed, voice sounding strained to her own ears. “What the hell?”

“I'm sorry, Shepard. Glyph decided to let himself in when no answered,” Liara's soft voice sounded from the French doors leading onto the deck.

Standing up, Shepard greeted her friend with a warm hug. “That's okay. It's good to see you, but what are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming until next week?”

“I thought I would surprise you by coming early,” Liara said, returning the hug. She pulled back, looking a little sheepish. “I didn't mean to actually startle you.”

“Don't worry about it, I'm glad you're here!”

“You didn't think I would let my best friend plan her wedding without me, now did you? Besides,” she turned to the blue sphere hovering close by, “Glyph should be helpful organizing everything.”

“I have already started cataloging various vendors, as well as suitable locations. I believe Major Alenko has a large family?” Glyph bobbed a bit closer to Shepard. “Would you like the list now or later, Commander? I also have information on marriage traditions in accordance with Major Alenko's heritage. There are several of interest that I have bookmarked for you--”

“Uh, that's okay, Glyph.” Shepard drew back a bit, blinking rapidly. “We'll wait until later. Kaidan's aunt has been the ringleader, so we should wait for her. Also, it's not 'Commander Shepard' while we're here, it's just Corinne. The last thing we need is for the media get hold of this.”

“Corinne, right.” Liara nodded and looked pointedly toward her VI assistant. “Glyph can handle that, he's very good at keeping secrets.”

“Of course, I've already updated my programming... Corinne.”

“Good.” Shepard sat down again, motioning for Liara to do the same.

“It's beautiful here,” Liara commented.

“It really is.” 

Liara turned toward Shepard, sitting primly in her chair. “We haven't really had much time to talk... why don't you tell me about the proposal?”

“Are we going to giggle over boys?”

“We might.” Liara smiled.

“I think I'd like that.” Shepard returned the smile and settled back in her chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything and everyone is ridiculous and getting more ridiculous. :D
> 
> Also I know I said everyone lives, but Anderson is still dead. Whoops. 
> 
> Uh the rest of the crew will start showing up soon, so that's always fun? This story is basically complete, I'm just kinda doling it out while I edit and revise some stuff and also work on the 'epilogue' (it should be 11 chapters when complete). Updates have been coming on Sundays and Thursdays, so I guess I'll stick with that. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and all the kudos, you really make my day!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short-ish chapter in which Joker swears up a storm and there are hints of JEDI and Talibrations.

A little over a month into wedding preparations, and Kaidan was amazed at how quickly it was all coming together. Especially considering his aunt's refusal to have anything to do with Glyph at first. The figurative headbutting over that had been... alarming, and he wondered if that was how it had been when Shepard had tried to get the Dalatrass to sit down and talk with Wrex. In the end Glyph had been indispensable, and his aunt finally gave in. 

Even with more and more family members learning the truth of Shepard's identity, things had remained quiet, something that surprised and pleased Kaidan. Still, the amount of tiptoeing, bribing, and flat out lying needed to keep everything quiet was astounding. But how else could you plan a secret wedding when the guest list was... actually he had no idea how big the guest list was at this point in time.

But with all of his family. The crew of the Normandy. And the entirety of Clan Urdnot.... Kaidan was betting it was very, very long. 

Currently he and Shepard were sitting out front, tucked between the dogwoods ringing the parking area, away from the house. They'd spread out a blanket on the grass, trying to enjoy some peace and quiet together. It was a rare thing these days, with all sorts of family members coming and going all hours of the day.

Kaidan couldn't say he regretted the fact they were getting married so soon after the engagement, because they'd been waiting for this for years. He did, however, regret the fact that he hardly got any time with Shepard. Even now, without hovering aunts and cousins and Glyph, she was pouring over some document or another for the wedding. Her brows were furrowed in concentration.

“They're... thorough,” she mumbled more to herself than to him.

“Shepard,” he said, voice low. He leaned in meaning to nibble her ear but she swatted him away.

“Not now, Kaidan. This is important.”

“That was rude,” he grumbled, straightening up. So much for quality time. Of course he knew the peace wasn't to last anyway, some of the crew were set to start arriving soon. There were rooms booked for everyone in various places around Vancouver, under pseudonyms to keep things discreet.

Sometimes it was like planning a military strike.

At that moment a taxi came rumbling up the twisting driveway, stopped to let out its occupants, then took took off again; leaving two people standing in front of the house, their backs to Kaidan and Shepard.

“Holy shit.” Joker gave an appreciative whistle. “I didn't know places like this existed.”

“Did you not pay attention to Liara's description?” EDI asked. “She was very detailed.”

“Yeah, but I thought she was like, exaggerating.” Joker removed his hat and rubbed the top of his head. “Trying to be nice, you know?”

“Hey!” Kaidan called and levered himself up, holding out a hand to Shepard. “Come on, say hello.”

“But--”

“No buts.”

With a few muttered words she took his hand, and they walked over to Joker and EDI.

“Damn, I didn't realize you two were living it up in the lap of luxury. Do you have servants and shit too?” Joker quirked a brow.

“What Jeff means to say,” EDI broke in, “is congratulations on the impending nuptials.”

“Thanks, EDI.” Shepard smiled. “Did you have a nice trip?”

“Yeah, pretty uneventful. We're getting good at dodging paparazzi.”

“I start reciting algorithms until they get bored and leave us alone.” EDI placed her hands behind her back and rocked forward on her toes, looking proud.

Kaidan snorted in amusement. Only EDI.

“So, Major... you're moneybags then?” Joker looked him up and down. “Care to loan me a few chits to cover the taxi and tip?”

“Joker,” he groaned.

“We can't loan you anything, Joker.” Shepard crossed her arms. “We're already hemorrhaging money into this wedding.”

“That bad?”

“Yes! I don't know where it all comes from though, I swear I could've funded the war for what we're spending!” she cried indignantly. “Do you know how many dead bodies I had to pick over just to get ammo and medi-gel? Even when it was Cerberus fronting the bills?”

“It isn't that bad, Shepard.” Although Kaidan wasn't really sure what the total on the wedding was, no one showed him the books. Knowing his family, it was probably extreme.

“Yes, it is! I didn't even know how one family could have that much money.”

“Well, at least you know she's not a golddigger, right Major?” Joker elbowed him in the side, laughing. He suddenly sobered. “Oh god, you're not a trust fund kid are you?”

“I'm not answering that.” Kaidan frowned, which only deepened when EDI leaned in close to Joker and whispered in his ear.

“You're shitting me!” he breathed. EDI shook her head. “Jesus Christ, Kaidan! With that much money what the fuck are you doing with the Alliance? You should be out spending that shit.”

Kaidan scowled at EDI, but she only seemed amused. Some friend she turned out to be, he'd shared that information in confidence.

“I've never touched the trust fund. I joined the Alliance because I wanted to, and they've provided me with everything I've needed since. Besides, what would I do? Get a penthouse and skycar on Illium?”

“Kaidan, you could fucking _buy_ Illium.”

“You're being ridiculous.”

“No, _you're_ being ridiculous!” Joker said. “At least do something fun with it.”

“I'll use it for the Honeymoon, how's that?”

“I suppose that'll do,” Joker grumbled.

“Thank you for living in the middle of nowhere!” called a voice at the end of the driveway, colored with an agitated hum.

They all turned to find Garrus making his way up the bend, Tali in tow. Shepard met them halfway, hugging Tali.

“Did you have problems with the directions?” Kaidan asked, shaking Garrus' hand.

“You have no idea the things we did.”

“We don't want to know, Garrus,” Joker yelled.

“Not like that Moreau.” Garrus sighed. “I meant to get up here unnoticed by the media, it's not like we exactly blend in with a crowd.” He gestured between himself and Tali.

“We won't even talk about the trip to Earth. I actually missed Joker's flying.” Shielding his eyes, Garrus let out an exhausted sigh.

Tali straightened up at his words, head snapping toward him. Even though her face wasn't visible, it wasn't difficult to imagine the glare she fixed on him.

“I'll have you know that Steve says I am a very adept pilot. He gave me a glowing review the last time I went out in a shuttle with him,” she said haughtily.

“That's because despite his calm demeanor, Cortez is insane.”

“You're the one that let me pilot the ship.”

“You're the one that threatened to use your shotgun for a matching scar on the other side of my face if I didn't.”

Joker sighed and shook his head. “Trouble in paradise, I take it?”

“Trouble? That's foreplay,” Garrus replied. Tali shoved his arm.

“You know what? I'm sorry I even asked.” Joker shook his head.

“Uh... speaking of Steve, where is he?” Shepard asked, obviously trying to defuse the situation.

“He told me he would be along later this week. He was going to pick up James after he came back from some N7... thing.” Tali shrugged.

“And Wrex refused to tell me anything about when he'd be arriving.” Garrus shook his head. “I would recommend you start preparing.”

“Oh, he better not show up anytime soon or I'll kill him!” Shepard frowned. “I told him it would be impossible to hide any krogan making a trip to Vancouver. We'd have paparazzi buzzing around us like Seeker Swarms in a matter of minutes.”

“Uh, Shepard?” Garrus asked slowly. “When have you ever known Wrex to listen to orders?”

Shepard's eyes went wide before her face scrunched up in frustration. “Shit,” she muttered. “We're so screwed.”


	6. Chapter 6

As the time wore on, Shepard started to feel the stress of planning a wedding. Especially when she had never once given thought to such a thing.

It had been easy at first. The larger decisions something Shepard was comfortable with. They had to find the location, set the date, decide on a menu (Kaidan had gotten that job HA!), work on guest lists and hire a band. She was fine with all of that.

But then the details started getting smaller and smaller. The choices hardly distinguishable – what was the difference between eggshell and off-white? She still didn't know the answer. And she didn't know why it mattered what font was used on the invitations.

Or what color the cummerbunds were.

She didn't even know what the hell a cummerbund was!

It was also difficult to make choices when she had twelve different people offering their opinions. Kaidan helped as much as he could, but often times his aunts or cousins would shove him aside. Liara, and Miranda once she'd turned up, had tried to take the brunt as much possible, but even then it wasn't enough.

Everything was starting to wear on Shepard; she felt exhausted all the time, which made her increasingly irritable. She knew Kaidan was worried, she'd heard him talking with Liara just the night before. About how there was still so much to work through after the war, so much baggage she hadn't unpacked yet.

It was true.

She knew it was. Everyone knew it.

She just hated the fact she was making him worry. And she hated the fact that the little things were starting to get to her. The pressure getting to be a bit too much. This was supposed to be a happy time, and she felt like she was back in the middle of the Reaper war.

Today she was wedding dress shopping with 'the girls', something that Miranda had insisted on much to Shepard's surprise. Some of Kaidan's family had wanted to come along, his mom included, but Miranda had glared them down and told them no.

It would only be Shepard and her closest friends.

Shepard had been immensely relieved in all honesty, and told Miranda as much.

“I figured you would be,” she smiled softly. “And you'll be happy to know Jack and I have even called a truce for the day.”

“Truce my ass, Princess! I just promise not to cuss you out... too much.” Jack wrinkled her nose as they entered the wedding boutique.

It was a long established shop with a great reputation – according to several of Kaidan's cousins – located in an old brick building in downtown. Stepping inside was liking disappearing into the clouds, and all Shepard saw was endless puffs of white.

Slowly her eyes adjusted and she saw more colors along the back wall, leading into another room that held accessories and bridesmaid dresses. Shepard thought it was a form of hell.

The saleswoman who greeted them was pleasant enough, middle aged with a wide face and deep set eyes. She was dressed in a smart pant suit, and seemed eager to help in anyway she could.

“What type of dress are you looking for, dear?” she asked when she discovered Shepard was the bride-to-be.

“I... don't know? A dress-ish type of dress....?” She waved a hand.

“Why don't we all pick out some dresses?” Traynor suggested. “Try to ease into it?”

This was greeted with murmurs of agreement, and the women all went to work. Shepard herself slowly trailed along, fingers skipping over skirts, eyes not really seeing anything. It seemed in no time at all she was whisked back to the fitting rooms to try on the top picks. Though sizing was a bit of a problem at first. Apparently too much of Emi’s cooking coupled with a lack of the strenuous exercise she was usually accustomed to, meant Shepard had put on a little weight.... especially the midsection. She really had gone soft around the middle. 

Once the sizing issue was sorted out, she started trying the dresses on. First was Samara's choice: a tight fitting little number with a plunging neckline. It didn't surprise Shepard at all, but she vetoed it before even stepping out of the changing room.

Next was Miranda's. It was a simple, a-line that slithered over Shepard's body like it had been poured on. She liked it fine, but it was hardly “The Dress”. Shepard didn't know much about weddings or dresses, but from what she had gathered she was supposed to know when it was The One.

Traynor's came next, and all Shepard could say about it was that it was traditional. It looked like the type of dress you'd see in a vid. In fact, she might've seen this one in a vid of some sort. It was nixed by everyone.

EDI picked out one with a fishtail skirt so tight, Shepard had to practically hop out to show everyone. It was thrown to the wayside after Jack stopped laughing hysterically.

Kasumi, Liara and Tali's choices didn't fare much better. They were pretty, but didn't have much “wow factor” as Traynor had said. With the first round of dresses done, and not a single one even getting a second look, the saleswoman started grabbing out different styles for Shepard to try.

It was hours later and Shepard had been stuffed and packed into so many dresses she'd lost count. She hated every single one that had come into her dressing room, and she was starting to feel overwhelmed in a way she'd never had before. Not even when she was gunning down a Reaper on Rannoch.

She was standing before the wall of mirrors outside the dressing area, getting placating words from her friends while the saleswoman – obviously a bit overwhelmed herself – asked her what style she thought she liked best, what fabric.

Staring at herself in a dress with a tight fitting bodice, and a giant skirt with so many layers of tulle it had taken three people to get her into it, Shepard felt her world tilt a bit. All the voices around her seemed to dull to a soft buzz, almost drowned out by the pounding of her heart.

Her chest felt tight, and it was getting harder and harder to catch her breath. Trying to suck in a deep breath, she shrugged off Liara's concerned hand and looked up at the group.

“I don't know!” she cried. “I don't know what I want. I've never known what I wanted. I just know I don't want this because I look like a giant marshmallow and Kaidan won't love me,” she ended on a hysterical wail.

She started to sink down on the raised dais, face buried in her hands. There was a commotion around her, but she didn't look up, hardly cared. Warm hands grabbed her roughly by the upper arms, hauling her to feet. She dropped her hands and met Jack's annoyed face.

“This was funny until you started to have a damn meltdown like some primadonna. Come on, Bridezilla.” She started yanking Shepard toward the back of the store.

In a darkened corner, where one of the overhead lights was out, was a lone dress hanging on a rack. It was strapless with what she had come to learn was called a 'sweatheart neckline’ trimmed in lace, a gently flared skirt, and an overlay of beaded pearls.

It was elegant and understated, but hardly plain. In short it was beautiful.

“How long has this been here?”

“The entire time.”

“Why didn't you say anything earlier?” She rounded on Jack.

“It was kinda fun to watch you to squirm. Then you had to get all... weepy.” She shuddered.

“Thank you, Jack.”

“You going to be okay and shit?”

“Yeah. I just... it's been a lot,” Shepard sighed.

“I know.” Jack nodded in understanding. “Now let's get you in this thing so you can stop weirding me out.”

 

* * *

 

In the end the dress was absolutely perfect. It only needed slight alterations, and would be ready to pick up within the week. Feeling bolstered by finding The One, and oddly better for her mini meltdown, Shepard was ready to tackle finding the bridesmaid dresses.

Though, given her diverse group of friends, the task to find something suitable for all of them would be more difficult than finding her own dress. Except Jack, who only agreed to be part of the bridal party if she could wear a suit of some sort.

“Perhaps everyone should wear suits?” EDI suggested.

“No!” Tali hissed. “I want a dress! I was promised a dress.”

“Well, you're gonna need some extra fabric to cover _those_ hips.”

“You're just jealous.” Tali crossed her arms and shifted her weight, cocking her hip in Jack's general direction.

“How 'bout everyone just wears whatever dress they want? Who cares if they match.” Shepard tossed her hands into the air. “It's a dumb tradition anyway.”

Miranda frowned slightly. “You realize Kaidan's aunt will have a fit, right?”

“I don't care at this point. We can pick a color scheme, that'll keep her happy.”

“What's the color scheme for the wedding?”

“I...” Shepard stopped, eyes widening. “I don't remember.”

Liara stepped close and placed an arm around Shepard's shoulders. “What do you say to Miranda and myself taking over wedding preparations?”

“I can't.. I'm supposed...”

“This is all a lot to deal with, and you've already been through so much. Let us do this for you.”

“We'll make sure it's perfect, Shepard, we promise.” Miranda laid a hand on her arm, nodding encouragingly.

“Besides,” Liara cut in, “we all know you're terrible with the details.”

“That's not true!”

“How many times did either of us,” Miranda gestured between herself and Liara, “write up your status reports for you? Or check over requisition orders because you'd forgotten?”

“I....” Shepard paused and let out a whoosh of air. They were right. “Okay, I think that would be good.”

“Perfect!” Liara gave her shoulders a quick squeeze and let go. “Now, let's figure out these dresses...”

In the end the color chosen was black, and they found a silk dress with thin straps and an empire waist. The style managed to flatter everyone, including Tali with her hips and envirosuit, and there was a sash at the waist everyone could personalize with their color of choice.

It was perfect.

Everything was perfect.

“Hey,” Shepard said, looking over her friends. They actually looked like a proper bridal party. “I'm getting married!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [The Dress](http://www.weddinginspirasi.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/romona-keveza-couture-wedding-dresses-spring-2013.jpg) for reference.
> 
>  
> 
> Isn't it nice how I said I would post on Thursday and Sunday... except now I've clearly thrown that to the wayside. I'm fickle that way.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to thank covenmouse for all her help with plotting and letting me ramble at her endlessly, and also for coming up with the entirety of the Joker/EDI conversation... because I still love it. ;D
> 
> Hope you enjoy the silliness.

Surprisingly, Kaidan was a very deep sleeper. Despite Brain Camp, and basic, and barracks, and _everything_ he could zonk out just about anywhere. He thought this was a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that it never bothered him on ship if anyone was milling around, or talking too loud. The curse was the fact that if he was woken, he usually came to rather violently. 

Jerking awake abruptly, Kaidan was ready to grab a gun that wasn't there, his biotics flaring to life. Blinking, he realized he was in his parents' house, and there was no emergency... just Shepard's insistent prodding.

“Wassat?” he mumbled, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand.

Her face, barely illuminated by the moonlight streaming in through the blinds, softened just a bit and she reached out to smooth his obviously sleep mussed hair. Kaidan smiled at the gesture, and she suddenly came back to herself, withdrawing her hand as a worried crease appeared between her brows.

“Hey, what's the matter?” he asked, scooting closer.

“It's horrible!” she cried, scrubbing her hands down her face.

“Shepard, what is it? What's wrong?” He leaned forward, placed a hand on her lower back. This was so unlike her, and he was starting to worry.

“I don't have a middle name!” she finally cried, voice muffled by her hands.

“You don't...?” He blinked in confusion, his sleep addled brain not understanding. “Wait, what?”

She lifted sorrowful brown eyes to meet his, her face crestfallen. “I don't have a middle name. I mean, I made up Corinne, and Shepard was just something from the Reds because I was always corralling the younger kids. No one knew my real name, no one cared. I just needed _something_ to put on the Alliance documents, and they didn't care if it was legal or not because I was fresh meat! So I don't have a middle name!”

“Why do you need a middle name?” He felt a little more awake now, but he was just as confused. Perhaps more so.

“For the wedding!” She held up a datapad. “The vows. I need a middle name.”

Kaidan blinked a couple more times, brows furrowed. Then he laughed. A loud bark as he fell back on his pillow, clutching at his stomach.

“This isn't funny!” she shrieked, smacking him with the datapad.

Calming himself, Kaidan took in a deep breath and wiped the corner of his eye. He sat up again, gathering Shepard's face in both his hands, and leaned in close to meet her gaze.

“You don't need a middle name. It's a formality; I promise it will be okay.”

“But--”

“No buts, go to bed. You're on edge and need sleep.” She started to protest again, but Kaidan wrapped his arms around her and gently tossed her onto the opposite side of the bed. He drew up the covers, and pulled her close.

She seemed to have calmed some, her face pressed against his neck, long legs twinning with his. He started drawing circles on her back, soothing. Within minutes he was on his way to sleep again, but Shepard wasn't.

She sighed against his neck, and he was ready to ask her what the problem was now when she started trailing her hand down his chest, over his stomach, and started drawing circles of her own.

“I thought I told you to go to sleep?” Kaidan said, breath hitching.

“Can't sleep. Too restless,” she breathed against his neck, lips brushing against his pulse point.

“Well,” he said and rolled them until he was looming over her. She smiled up at him, eyes dark. “Guess I'll have to tire you out then.”

 

* * *

 

“I don't really understand why I'm here,” Kaidan said to Joker. The “wedding shower” was more of a bridal shower in his mind, and he was under the impression that a bridal shower meant no groom. No groom meant freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom.

“I don't know but there's a cooler of beer, and that's the only keeping me here. Also it's too much effort to walk away.” Joker shrugged and cracked open another bottle.

“Where is EDI anyway? Shouldn't she be playing mobility assistant tech, or whatever it is?”

“Pft, hell if I know. She went with Cortez and Traynor to pick up something or another,” Joker said, waving his bottle as he spoke.

Garrus and Vega appeared then, the latter fishing out beers from the cooler. “Here ya go, Scars, dextro friendly.”

“Thanks.” Garrus took the proffered drink and opened it. He hummed loudly, mandibles twitching. “They're playing games. I don't understand why they're playing games. What they mean?”

“None of us understand. Why do you think we're over here?”

“Is it... a, uh, female thing?” Garrus asked, genuinely confused.

“It's a _wedding_ thing. Either you get that shit or you don't, there is no instruction manual,” Joker replied. 

“Riiight,” Garrus nodded.

“We'll be sure to invite you for the baby shower games, those are even more bizarre.” Kaidan started to take a pull of his beer, but felt three sets of eyes on him. He stopped with the bottle halfway to his mouth, “What?”

“Something you want to tell us there, Major?” Vega quirked a brow.

“I... what? No, that's not. I didn't. We're not.” Kaidan started shaking his head. “I just meant.. the games,” he finished lamely.

“I wouldn't say that too loudly around your dad, he might pee himself in excitement because _grandbabies_ ,” Joker lowered his voice.

“Yeah, he's been... yeah.” Kaidan frowned at his father, watching as he helped set up another game; this one appeared to be toilet paper wedding dress design. Shepard looked lost, hovering on the edge of the group, unable to escape. She met his gaze across the lawn, her eyes begging for help. Kaidan shook his head and held up his beer.

“I'll get you later,” she mouthed just as his mother appeared, pulling her attention away.

“Uh....what the hell is that?” Joker muttered, drawing Kaidan's attention. He turned to find Cortez and Traynor arriving with a cake for the party, but that wasn't what Joker had been talking about. Trailing behind them was EDI, cradling something in her arms.

“Hello,” she greeted as she stopped next to Joker. The small thing in her arms snuffled loudly and let out a small yip. Kaidan craned his neck and realized it was a little, and utterly hideous, chihuahua puppy.

“EDI,” Joker said slowly, “why do you have a rat?”

“It is not a rat, Jeff. It is a puppy. I found him outside the bakery, he did not have a collar or ID chip when I scanned him.”

“No, EDI, that's a rat.”

“Then we have discovered a new species.” She adjusted the tiny creature in her arms. “I believe I shall call it Rattus Jeffegicus.”

“Did you just name a rat after me?” Joker blanched while Garrus and Vega started sniggering behind their beers.

EDI blinked at Joker blandly in return. “Is it not common for scientists to name the species they discover? I am told this is meant to be a compliment.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, “we're going to have to work on your negative associations, okay?”

“I do not understand what is negative. It seems affectionate, attentive, and is fascinated with licking my frontal processors. Are these not qualities you share, Jeff?”

“And,” Garrus cut in, “this is the part where we pretend not to have heard this conversation.”

Joker swung around, “How is this any worse than your foreplay comment?”

There was no time for response, there was no time for much of anything except to barely back out of the way as two large, armor clad figures came barreling up the driveway. There was panic as Kaidan's family scrambled, trying to flee the newest arrivals. Kaidan had charged up his biotics, ready to take on any threat, but he calmed when he recognized the flash of red armor and heard an all too familiar voice bellow, “SHEPARD!”

He watched in amusement as Shepard turned with just enough time to brace herself a split second before she was knocked to the ground by two full grown krogan. His mother appeared at his elbow, tugging at his shirt.

“She's being attacked, do something!”

“No, mom. It's fine. It's just Wrex and Grunt.”

“Shepper!!!” came a chorus of high pitched cries, a small herd of young krogan waddling forward to attach themselves to Shepard's legs, all vying for her attention. 

“... and the rest of Clan Urdnot.” Kaidan watched as a couple of the tiny krogan tried to keep Grunt and Wrex away from Shepard by running headlong into their legs. One the babies ricocheted off Grunt and started wailing until Wrex swung him up, cradling him with one arm.

“I told them not to make a fuss, as if anything I say would ever make a difference,” Bakara said, stopping next to Kaidan.

“It's good to see you, we were wondering when you would show up.”

Bakara snorted, “You know Wrex.”

“Unfortunately we do,” Garrus said.

Kaidan watched as Shepard roughhoused with Grunt before turning her full attention on the herd of toddlers at her feet. She started picking them up, one by one, and swinging them around. They delighted in the attention, flapping their little arms in excitement. 

“She'll make a good mother,” his father said, coming up from behind. Kaidan turned and frowned.

“Really, dad? You're more concerned with that than unfamiliar krogan at your house?”

He shrugged. “They seem friendly enough. Beside, I'd already gathered that she's collected quite an interesting group.”

“Yeah, she has. They're all good people though.”

“I know.” He drew even with Kaidan. “I mean it though: she will be a good mother.”

“Dad,” Kaidan groaned. His father only laughed, clapped him on the shoulder, and moved on to help bring out more chairs from the garage. Kaidan did his best to ignore his father's words, nursing his beer.

His family was starting to return to normal, looking a little calmer, but they were still obviously wary of Wrex and Grunt, giving them a wide berth. He couldn't really blame them.

Tali and Liara had joined Shepard in playing with the Urdnot brood, while Wrex and Grunt had joined Garrus and Vega for a drink. Kaidan thought he should be concerned by that, but it hardly seemed worth the effort, nothing he said would make a difference. In fact it would probably just goad them.

At least the party was outside.

“For the love of—EDI, we're not keeping the rat!”

“But he does not have a home, Jeff, we can provide him with one.”

Kaidan turned away from the bickering couple, trying to hide a smile. 

There were several late arrivals to the party, various family members coming in from wherever it was they'd been. Sometimes even he had to marvel at the size of his own family, and more often than not he had to ask after a new face – it was honestly getting out of hand.

Shepard had slowly been making her way toward him, but she kept getting sidetracked by one person or another. Kaidan was watching her now, talking to one of his uncles, her eyes darting toward the cooler at his side.

As she finally disengaged, she breathed a sigh of relief and caught his eye, the look on her face clearly asking if there was still something cold to drink. He laughed to himself and started to nod, when he saw her stop mid-step, shoulders tense.

His gaze followed hers toward a pair of his second-cousins, both were young, thirteen and fourteen if he recalled correctly, and speaking in not-so hushed tones.

Kaidan walked a bit closer and discovered they were discussing Shepard's family, or rather the obvious lack of. Shepard looked mortified, and Kaidan was about ready to reprimand the pair when a booming voice sounded over the din of the party.

“HEY!” Wrex shouted, and about half the people gathered looked ready to hit the deck. Wrex marched up to the young pair, both wide eyed. “Her family's right here, pyjak! You got a problem with that?”

There was a long moment of silence, the teens looked like they might cry or scream or both, then Wrex roared with laughter. “Don't look so terrified, I'm not gonna eat ya!”

That seemed to spur everyone back into motion, and the party resumed as Wrex wandered back to Garrus and Vega, chuckling to himself. Shepard finally reached Kaidan's side and stooped, blindly grabbing a bottle out of the cooler and immediately gulped it down.

“You alright?” he asked, laying a reassuring hand on her waist.

“Yes,” she nodded, glancing over the partygoers. A slow smile spread across her face, “The family's all together.”

“Yeah,” he laughed and kissed her temple. “They are.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Joker,” Shepard said as she stepped onto the deck. The party was still in full swing out front, but the deck was surprisingly empty save the pilot. He turned slowly in his deck chair and narrowed his eyes.

“Aw, shit,” he muttered, “that's your 'I'm gonna headbutt a krogan' face. Well, guess what? Wrex and Grunt are out front.”

“No, I need to talk to you.” She sat down in the chair next to his, back straight. She'd been trying to work herself up to this for an hour at least, and still she felt nervous.

“Uh, should I be worrying, Rin?”

“You're the only one who doesn't have a problem calling me by my first name. Did you forget I outrank you?”

“Yeah, well, you're not my commanding officer right now, are you?” He smirked at her and brought his glass up for a sip. It looked like some of Kaidan's whiskey on the rocks. She wondered if Kaidan knew.

“No, I guess I'm not.” She paused, hesitant. “I'm your friend, right?”

He looked at her askance. “Unless you're gonna ask me something weird, in which case no. I'm just your lowly pilot, _ma'am_.”

“Lowly, huh? Weren't you promoted?”

“Lies. I just want to fly, I'm not in this for the glory... that's your job.”

She pulled a face at him and decided to change subjects. “We've been pretty lucky through all this, no paparazzi.”

“Won't last, now that the krogan have arrived. Hell, they'll probably start claiming it's an invasion.”

“Only if Al-Jilani gets wind.” Shepard sat back in her chair, looking at the clear waters below the house. The sun was starting to set, the sky shifting through shades of pink, red, and orange as they sat there; until finally bleeding into a deep, bruised purple.

It was beautiful.

“This place really is amazing,” she finally broke the silence.

“Yeah, it is.”

“It seems like it was only a week ago... that it was.....” she didn't finish, just let the sentence hang in the air between them. She could remember that day, the confusion over everything, the thrill that ran through her at seeing Kaidan again... her pride at his new title. Fighting to escape, not wanting to leave Anderson behind, despite his instance.

Anderson.

She sighed and turned toward Joker. “I've known you longer than anyone else, save Kaidan. You've been there through the thick and thin, and I trust... we trust you--”

“Shepard, if you're asking me to join in a menage a trois, I'll have to pass.”

“Damn it, Joker!” He was laughing in earnest and she was tempted to smack him. “I'm asking if you'll give me away at the wedding.”

At least that shut him up. He sat there, blinking at her.

“Whoa, hey. Holy shit, you're serious!”

“Yes. You wouldn't have to walk me down the aisle or anything. I just don't have anyone to stand up for me, and I was kinda hoping you would.”

Joker pressed his lips together in a thin line, then nodded and took a gulp of his drink. “Shame Anderson isn't here to see this,” he said. Whether he meant the wedding or the view, Shepard wasn't sure, but she knew Anderson would've enjoyed both. 

“Yeah,” she agreed. “He was the closest thing to a father I ever had.”

“He was good to all of us. Guess that makes me the closest thing you have a brother, huh?” He grinned at her.

“You're obnoxious enough for it.”

“Thanks, commander!”

She glanced toward him. “So, will you do it?”

“Yeah.” He looked at her, face unusually soft. “I'd be honored.”

They lapsed into silence as the sky grew dark, and it wasn't until the first twinkling stars blinked into life that Joker broke it.

“Shepard?”

“Yeah.”

“I think of you as a sister, too.”

She smiled, though she was sure he couldn't see her face.

“But, uh, don't tell anyone I said that. Can't ruin my reputation as the sarcastic pilot, you know? They might think I actually have a heart or some shit.”

“Your secret's safe with me, Joker.”

 

* * *

 

In one sense, Shepard had to appreciate how quickly everything came together for the wedding. In another sense, she felt like it had taken longer than it had to save the entire galaxy. Whichever the case, she was currently sitting in the huge banquet hall of some swanky restaurant she couldn't pronounce the name of, enjoying her rehearsal dinner. Or, at least trying to.

But there were speeches. Or “toasts”, rather, but they felt like speeches.

Lots of speeches.

She _hated_ speeches.

Thus far there'd been the normal congratulations and reminiscing about what Kaidan was like as a boy, those speeches she had liked. Someone had wanted to make a reel of baby pictures and the like, but considering there no pictures of Shepard before joining the Alliance, and not very many after, the idea had been scrapped. But not before she got a good look at all the curly haired goodness... and maybe a shot or two of a bare baby butt.

She glanced at him now; he was leaning forward in his chair, talking with EDI a couple seats down. He looked very handsome in his blue dress shirt and black slacks. She had an incredible urge to lure him away to some darkened corner to do something very untoward, but there were still toasts to be had. She wondered what they would talk about when the actual wedding came.

She needed to find a waiter and order another dessert, because why the hell not? Besides they were delicious, and she deserved it. She'd been cranky all day and chocolate helped, dammit.

As she glanced around, looking for waitstaff, she was aware of various people of her crew talking close together. She could see Vega huddled with Cortez and Zaeed. Joker was whispering something to Wrex, Grunt, and Javik.

Something about this unnerved her, wondering what the idiots were all planning.

Recently she had given up pretense of pretending to be anyone other than the infamous Commander Shepard, Savior of Galaxy. They'd dealt with some paparazzi in the fallout, but nothing too bad, and it was so close to the wedding it seemed silly to worry.

Still, she didn't want them doing anything stupid.

When a family member of Kaidan's opened up the floor, asking if anyone had any stories to share or any kind words for the couple, she had to suppress a groan when Grunt stood up.

“Shepard is special,” he began loudly, causing most people in the room to quiet down. “She is my battlemaster. I remember how fierce she was, helping me to take down a Thresher Maw on foot. It was a good, bloody battle.” He laughed. 

There were several gasps at that statement. Shepard barely contained a snort.

“Afterward she sprayed me in the face with a pressure-hose before allowing me back onto the Normandy.” He turned toward Shepard. “Shepard, no one else has ever done that and lived. You are truly special!”

He held up his cup of lord knew what, probably ryncol. Wrex followed suit, then slowly the rest of the crew. Finally some of Kaidan's family joined in. Then everyone downed their drinks and Grunt sat down again.

“I think you're getting sentimental, Grunt, that was quite the speech,” Garrus said.

“Sentimental but not soft. I can still kill you, turian.”

“I don't doubt it, Grunt. I don't doubt it.”

Then Wrex stood, and Shepard covered her face. “Oh boy,” she mumbled.

“What can I say about Shepard?” he started, sounding rather fond. Shepard wondered if perhaps fatherhood was softening him.

“What can I say except why shoot something once when you can shoot it another forty-seven times!” He threw back his head and laughed.

Or not. He was just drunk.

Wrex's little speech, if it could be called that, seemed to loosen everyone up a bit, or maybe they'd just finally had enough to drink. Before she knew what was happening the entire thing turned into who had the best Shepard story. She felt like she was part of a comedy Roast, but unfortunately none of her friends were half as funny as they thought they were.

Kaidan's family was amused at first, but as the stories went on they looked more and more torn between horror and confusion. She noticed an odd spectacle of Vega, Cortez and Zaeed 'oohing' and 'aahing' at various points during the speeches, then slamming back shots of something. Eventually Traynor and Chakwas joined them. It wasn't until one of her annoyingly frequent trips to the latrine, that she realized they were drinking every time Kaidan's family looked particularly confused.

They'd be under the tables before she knew it. Great.

“Do you remember when Kaidan and Williams used to set up targets in the hangar bay?” Garrus asked no one in particular.

That caught Shepard's interest.

“Yes!” Tali piped up. “Remember when Ashley modded his gun without telling him, and he nearly blew off Wrex's head when it misfired!”

“He would've need more than that to take me out,” Wrex huffed.

“You were using live ammo?” Shepard turned on Kaidan, who at least looked sheepish.

“We might've... once or twice.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “We were careful though... most of the time.”

“Now I understand why I never knew about it.”

Joker snorted, “Like you would've cared. You would've just been pissed they didn't invite you to begin with.”

“Hey, Lola?” Vega yelled from his table, and Shepard realized just how drunk he – along with the rest of that table – was. “Do you still have that husk head?”

“Eugh!” Tali shivered and unconsciously drew closer to Garrus. “I hate that thing. Why are you thinking about it?”

“Because Zaeed never saw it! Ah man, it was funny when the Major used biotics to make it mad and it would start screaming at you.”

“Kaidan, really?” Shepard turned on him and he shrugged.

“It was kind of funny. We never touched it.”

“That's like poking a varren with a stick.”

“It was harmless! Using biotics on the husk head was more like.... “ he trailed and thought for a moment, before smiling slowly and meeting her gaze again. “Harassing space monkeys.”

“Hey! That was very... important.... Alliance... business! They had the module!”

“And you had a little too much fun shaking down pyjaks, just admit it.”

“Alright, alright... I have a speech.” Joker stood up slowly, tapping his glass with a spoon. Shepard and Kaidan both groaned out loud.

“To Kaidan and Corinne,” he started, holding up his glass in a toast.

“Fantastic speech, thanks Joker!” Shepard broke in. “You can sit down now.”

“Hey, I'm not allowed a best man speech, this is all I get.”

“You have an important job.”

“Maybe, but I wrote out this speech....”

From the looks of it, it appeared he had scribbled out something on a napkin that might've been used to sop up some spilled beer at one point. Shepard was unimpressed, and she was pretty sure her face said as much. Joker was undeterred though.

“To Shepard, the number one commander in my heart.... mostly because the other one got thrown overboard.”

“Joker!”

“What? Too soon for clone jokes?” He blinked at Shepard innocently. “I thought Wrex left the hangar door wide open for them.”

A murmur of confusion weaved its way through Kaidan's family before his mother finally asked what Joker was talking about.

“Nothing,” Shepard said. “Nothing at all. Just ignore him, he's a sloppy drunk.”

“I haven't had a drop all night. I'm DD since Steve's under the table.”

“Can you even handle a street car?”

“As I've said before I can make the Normandy dance for you, I think I can handle a car.” He paused. “Besides I'll be safer on the road than you are.”

“Can it right now or so help me I will break your leg.”

“I'm only speaking the truth. Let's just hope Kaidan decides to be a stay at home dad, because the last thing we need is Shepard carpooling.”

That was the final straw, Shepard, not really caring at that point, leapt over the table with the intent of at least smacking Joker upside the head. That sent the majority of her crew into combat formation to save Joker, while he attempted to find safety... cackling the entire time.

“Hey, at least they're no fishtanks to breakthrough!” he called over his shoulder.

Shepard growled under her breath, trying to dodge around Vega... which was easy considering he was three sheets to the wind. As she passed by a table full of Kaidan's relatives she heard someone mutter, “Are these really the people that saved the galaxy?”

She glanced around, how everyone was scrambling to stop her or hide Joker... oh god Grunt had just upended a table...

Shepard paused in her pursuit and looked at the person who had spoken, “It's not always like this?” She managed a slight shrug before she was rugby tackled to the floor by an eight hundred pound krogan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say the Joker/Shepard friendship means a lot to me and so I had to fluff the shit out of it. NO ONE LOOK AT ME


	9. Chapter 9

“You know, Shepard.... it's usually better to get into a firefight and cause massive amounts of property damage when your name isn't down for the security deposit,” Kaidan said, glancing over the bill from the rehearsal dinner.

“You can afford it,” she snapped and then paused, pinching her nose. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.”

Kaidan sat aside the datapad and stood up, wrapping his arms around Shepard's waist. “It's okay,” he said, pressing a kiss against her shoulder. “Everything is stressful right now.”

“But I shouldn't be this irritable!” She pulled away, tossing her hands into the air. “Liara and Miranda have taken over nearly all the planning, so that's lightened the load. I don't know what's wrong.... except everything pisses me off.”

She turned back and looked up at him from under a fan of lashes, sheepish. “I almost took off Joker's head for... being Joker.”

“There's been a lot. You've been through a lot. It's alright to feel things.” He stepped closer again, rubbing his palms up and down her arms, hoping to soothe her. “You spent so long pushing everything aside.... it's okay to be sad or angry or anything else. It makes you human.”

Huffing out a breath, she rested her head against his chest. “It sucks.”

Kaidan laughed, rubbing her back. Over her shoulder he noted something new to the room, and tilted his head.

“What.. uh, what is that?”

“Huh?” Shepard lifted her and looked around, eyes finally landing on the thing in question. “Oh, god what is it?”

“Not a wedding a gift.... I hope.” Kaidan took a cautious step forward. “It's not ticking, at least.”

“Glyph!?” Shepard bellowed out the door. A moment later the VI appeared in the doorway. “Glyph what is that?”

He blinked and bobbed in obvious pleasure at the question. “That is an exact replica of an ancient Batarian Fertility statue that I found in the archives.”

Kaidan looked at the thing again... a statue. Okay, he could see that. And he supposed those were eyes.... he wasn't exactly getting a Batarian vibe from it though. More like a mutated spider. And fertility? What the hell?

“While neither you or the Major are Batarian, I understand there are many earth cultures that allow for such beliefs. I cannot attest to the actual measure of such an item but it seemed beneficial to--”

“Glyph,” Shepard said slowly. Kaidan looked back at her and noticed her eye was starting to twitch. Never a good sign. “I understand what it is. What is it doing in my room?”

“Ah, well considering the impending nuptials between yourself and the Major, and Mr. Alenko often voicing his wishes for a grandchild I thought--”

“Glyph.” Shepard's voice was very low, very controlled, and Kaidan was glad she didn't have access to a gun. But she did have her omni-tool and combat drones... he started motioning for Glyph to leave. The damned VI didn't notice.

“Kindly stay out of my personal business regarding reproduction. Also kindly tell Mr. Alenko to butt out as well. AND GET THAT DAMNED STATUE OUT OF THIS ROOM!”

Glyph finally took the hint and disappeared, Kaidan decided to wait until the count of ten before he spoke. He'd only made it to seven when Shepard broke the silence.

“I don't want to talk about it.”

“You sure? Because it was about two months ago when we were joking about dad's meddling.”

“I just--” She stopped herself and took in a sharp breath through her nose. “We don't even know if I can get pregnant, with all the cybernetics and regeneration and _dying_.....”

“Hey, hey.” He cupped her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. “You can't worry about the what-ifs, you should know that.”

“I do, but being here... around your family, and seeing everyone. It makes me wonder.” She sighed, shoulders slumping a bit. “I would make a terrible mother anyway. I don't know the first thing about babies, or children in general.”

He smiled at her. “I don't know, I think you'd make a pretty great mom.”

“I think you're contractually obligated to say that. You have to say nice things until we're married.”

“Nah,” he laughed and pulled her close, resting his cheek against hers. “I can still admit you're an awful driver.”

She untangled herself enough to pinch his arm in retaliation, but didn't pull back any further, instead burying her nose in his neck.

 

* * *

 

Kaidan knew the entire Normandy crew was fully capable of making some pretty questionable life choices. Half of them had followed Shepard on a suicide mission for crying out loud. Or, if they hadn't gone that far, they'd done something equally stupid.... Vega's shuttle crash came to mind.

He knew this, yet he was still somewhat shocked when he realized they'd decided to hold a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. He'd had no plans to do anything crazier than maybe a drinking contest with Vega and Cortez – which was pretty damned crazy in his opinion – so he was hardly worried about propriety when it came to his bachelor party.

He was more concerned with the fact everyone would be in the same place. Drinking.

The party they'd had at Anderson's apartment on the citadel had been the tip of the iceberg, he was sure of that. They'd all been tired, exhausted from the war and dealing with Shepard's clone. They were worried too, trying to enjoy a few stolen moments of peace before the possible end of it all.

This time?

They were all fully rested, relaxed and happy to be alive. Things were bound to get out of hand.... the rehearsal dinner had proven that. And none of them had to live with the threat of paying for the property damage.

Of course most of his worries and protests went out the door when he saw the bachelorette party arrive outside the door of the club. Someone had convinced Shepard to squeeze into a tiny dress covered in silver sequins that glittered every time she moved.

It was hypnotizing.

“Eyes are up here, buddy.”

He obeyed, lifting his gaze to meet her smiling face. “Sorry?”

She looped her arms around his neck and brought her face close to his, “that's okay. I was kind of hoping for that reaction....”

“Aw, geeze, get a room,” Joker said.

“Alright.” Kaidan grabbed Shepard's hand and made a big show out of leaving.

“But we have a bachelor party to get to!” Shepard stood rooted to the sidewalk, and tugged him close, pressing her body flush against his. “There's fun to be had.... we can even get on the dance floor.”

“No one needs to see either of you dancing.”

Shepard turned around and frowned at Joker. “No one asked you, Jeffrey.”

“Jeffrey? I don't... I don't even know how to respond to that right now. Other than I think I need a drink.” He started meandering inside. “I think we all do, except Shepard. She's obviously drunk already.”

“I'm not,” she said with a frown, only loud enough for Kaidan to hear. “I'm just feeling better.”

“That's good.” He laced his fingers with hers and smiled.

“I'm sorry about earlier. Everything has just been getting to me, all the stress.” She looked up at him with a mischievous glint in her eye. “That's why tonight is good, a chance to blow off some steam.”

“Just don't shoot anyone or blow anything up, and we'll call it a good night.”

They stepped inside and looked around the club – it was spacious, with booths and tables to the right, a large bar to the left, and a huge dance floor directly in front of them; a DJ booth overlooking it like a sentry. Professional performers lined the wall behind the dance floor, gyrating to the beat like the girls on Omega.

Shepard laughed, “I don't know, a raid might be fun. What do you think, Wrex?”

“This place would be too easy; too open. Chora's den at least had places to hide, that made things interesting.”

“See, no gunfights tonight!” Shepard patted Kaidan's chest happily. Somehow that didn't make him feel any better.

Someone had reserved a semi-private corner for the group and everyone crammed in together, spilling across couches and chairs. A pair of waitresses wearing the shortest, tightest skirts Kaidan had ever seen came to take their orders. And with that the festivities were underway.

It was several hours later, and he had no idea how many drinks later, but Kaidan was actually having a nice time. He tossed up a tiny barrier just in time to keep Shepard's hand out of his Manhattan.

“Stop stealing my cherries.”

“But they taste good and I'm hungry.” She pouted, then made a dive for the abundance of olives in Traynor's martini. “Mmmm,” she mumbled, biting down on one.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yeah.... but....” she dived forward and grabbed the cherry stem before he could react. She stuck the cherry between her teeth, making a show of yanking the stem off and grinned, “I like popping your cherry.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes, but it sent Traynor into a fit of giggles. At that moment Cortez appeared and placed a plastic cup full to spilling with maraschino cherries in front of Shepard.

“There you go,” he said and plopped down beside Traynor.

“You're the best!” Shepard clapped and started popping them into her mouth.

“How did you manage?” Traynor asked.

“The bartender is very... friendly.” Cortez flushed a bit.

“Well I hope you got his number,” Shepard said around a mouth full of cherries. She leaned forward, peering around a potted plant to glimpse the bar. “He's cute! I really hope you got his number!”

Cortez only laughed, his blush deepening.

“Oi! Esteban! You need to place your bets!” Vega appeared holding Joker's cap in hand, weighed down with credits.

“I told you I'm not playing that game, Mr. Vega.”

“You're no fun, everyone else is doing it.”

“OH OH! I still need to add my guess!” Traynor started flapping her hands to get Vega’s attention. She added a slip of paper and some credit chits to the hat.

“Do I even want to know?” Shepard asked, quirking her head.

“It's... a … pool.” Vega rubbed the back of his neck, shuffling under Shepard's gaze. “Joker started it!”

“Joker?” Shepard swiveled her gaze toward the pilot.

“Just a friendly pool to see what thing will come up to ruin your honeymoon, and force all of us to come save you.” He waved a hand.

Kaidan groaned and covered his face with both hands, Shepard merely made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat.

“Really?” 

“Yeah, like Clone number two. Or, wait, wait I know! Giant mutated space lizards.” Joker glanced toward Garrus and Wrex. “Never mind, we already have those.”

Both glared at him, muttering obscenities, fingers practically twitching for their guns.

Shepard sighed, “Stop goading the big aliens with bigger guns, Joker.”

“We should play a game!” Traynor blurted.

“What type of game would one play in a club?”

“Well,” Traynor drew out the word. “We always used to play Never Have I; it's mostly a drinking game, but it can be a lot fun with a group who knows each other well.”

Shepard snorted. “Good to know Colony kids aren't much different than us Earthborn.”

“Drinking games are drinking games.” Without waiting for anyone to agree, Traynor flagged down a waitress and ordered another round for everyone.

“I'm good, got my cherries!” Shepard gleefully held up her cup.

“Are you feeling okay?” Kaidan leaned forward, gaining her attention. “You haven't touched anything all night.”

He was a bit perturbed, she usually enjoyed a cocktail. Especially with her crew.

She turned on him with a winning smile, “Yeah. I'm having a blast!”

“I'm not playing a goddamn drinking game. I'll just fucking drink.” Zaeed took his refill from the waitress, and settled back in his chair.

“I must agree with the scarred human,” Javik nodded. “Your primitive costumes are strange. In my cycle we were more concerned with procreation than weddings.”

“You’ll miss all the fun,” Traynor groused. 

Samara frowned thoughtfully next to Liara. “I don't believe I understand? Never have you want?”

“That's it. Someone will state something they've done, it can be anything... like....” Traynor trailed off as she thought, hands spread. “Oh! I know! I've never kissed a Reaper. Now anyone who has kissed a Reaper would have to drink, and those that haven't wouldn't drink. Also if only one person drinks they have to give a detailed account of said thing.”

“This is very strange.” Samara shook her head.

“Oh, it will be fun! Who wants to go first?”

“I will!” Joker piped up. “I've never seen Tali without her mask.”

Garrus shrugged and knocked back some of his drink, while Shepard popped a cherry into her mouth. That earned some surprised murmuring.

“Wait, you've seen her without the mask?” Joker turned on Shepard.

“Yeah, on Rannoch.”

“Really?” Kaidan tilted his head. “How come I never knew that?”

Shepard shrugged. “It didn't seem important at the time? I mean.... the geth and Legion. Tali is very pretty though.”

“Thank you, Shepard!” The grin was apparent in Tali's voice.

“I just want to know two things before I die,” Joker said. “Do Liara's hair tentacles move and what does Tali look like under the mask? Is that so much to ask?”

“Yes!” Tali cried. “I'm not taking my mask off here, humans have a lot of germs.”

“Fine, but I still want to know. I will give Kaidan's trust fund to whoever can give me the answer!”

“HEY!”

“What? You're not doing anything with it, might as well spend it on something useful.”

Kaidan frowned. “That's hardly what I would call useful, Joker.”

“Because you lack imagination.”

“But you don't?” Kaidan quirked a brow. “Why not use that imagination of yours and come up with an answer?”

“I would rather Joker not fantasize about my hair tentacles, thank you—wait, I mean my fringe, damn you Joker!”

“Okay, we're getting off track here!” Shepard said. “Back to the fun stuff. So.. uh.. I've never...... done it in the CIC,” she finally said, looking rather proud of herself.

There was a moment of silence, no one drinking, and then...

“Aw, damn it!” Joker cried and took a sip of his drink, pouting.

“Would you look at that?” Shepard drawled. “No one else is drinking... what's the rule? I believe we need a detailed account.”

She wagged a finger at Joker who only slid lower in his seat before casting a glare toward EDI, “Don't you say a word. You either!” He swung around, glare now fixed on Jack.

“I won't say shit if you don't. I could live happily without hearing that story.”

“Deal.”

“Nooooo!” Shepard moaned and Kaidan sighed, shaking his head. She was like a dog with a bone, she wasn't ever going to let it go. “I would like to know what the hell my pilot was doing in my CIC. Especially considering even I never had the balls do it there. Other places, sure, but never there.”

Kaidan covered his face, hoping to stem off the heat rising to it, and sank lower in his seat. “Things they didn't need to know,” he mumbled.

“I believe between all the couples gathered here, most every available space on the Normandy has been “christened” one way or another,” EDI said.

“Spying again?” Garrus asked, mandibles flaring in agitation.

EDI turned toward him and gave him a look she had obviously picked up from Joker, one that Kaidan could only describe as, 'are you shitting me?'

“Right, forget I asked.”

“Okay fine. Joker, you're off the hook. Moving on.” Shepard waved a hand and Joker breathed a sigh of relief. “Who's next?”

Vega leaned forward, a glint in his eye. “I've never kissed a commanding officer.”

“Really?” Kaidan breathed. He reached forward to grab his drink while Shepard snickered next to him. To everyone's surprise Chakwas also took a drink.

She seemed unperturbed by the scrutiny though. “I don't have to give a detailed accounting, but it did happen.” Pausing, Chakwas looked around at the group boggling at her. “Oh, don't look so shocked! We've all done things in our youth.”

“Kaidan wasn't young when he kissed me...”

“Still with the old man jokes?”

She shrugged, “I think they're funny.”

“Of course you do.” Kaidan frowned and crossed his arms, sinking lower still in his seat.

After that the game seemed to turn into, 'how drunk can we possibly get'?

_“I've never followed Shepard on a suicide mission.”_

_”I've never shot a gun.”_

_”I've never thought Shepard was five pounds of crazy shoved into a one pound bag.”_ Shepard herself had eaten five of her cherries for that statement.

Kaidan had to admit he was surprised Vega and Joker hadn't tried to invite strippers, but given how closely Liara was keeping an eye on things, he knew he shouldn't have been. He'd have to thank her for that one later. The last thing they needed was someone jumping out of a cake...

By the time the group stumbled out of the club it was nearing last call, everyone happily chattering away as they stepped into the street. It was cool, the air refreshing after being cooped up for so long, and from the alcohol.

Kaidan nearly tripped over his own feet when he was blinded by something as bright as a flashbang grenade, though it was much quieter. Blinking away the floaters clouding his vision, he realized they were being converged upon by a group of paparazzi.

“They should be glad I don't have a gun.” Kaidan heard Garrus mutter behind him. “You don't surprise soldiers like that.”

No guns, but he could feel his amp buzzing with the flare of biotics from those around him. Everyone else was still far enough inside the club to not have noticed the initial surprise. Though they soon realized something was wrong when they tried to push past the group blocking the door. Kaidan could hear muttered curses from Wrex and Zaeed, and Joker's muffled voice.

They were setting ducks, prime pickings for the paparazzi: Shepard and her entire crew hadn't been in public since they all received their commendations from the Council.

He knew they all felt like fools for being caught with the pants down, so to speak. They were all intoxicated and he couldn't wait to see this all over the extranet in the morning. Well, Shepard wasn't drunk, but that didn't much matter.

Flashes were going off left and right, and several hovercams were shining bright lights on them while they recorded. Voices were sounding all around them, all vying for Shepard's attention, asking about the rumors of a wedding.

It felt like everything had slowed down to a snails pace, but in reality everything happened in a few seconds. He and the others only needed a short time to survey the situation, and they seamlessly flowed into action. Jack, Samara, and Jacob charged up their biotics, erecting a barrier between the group and the paparazzi.

Shepard was already directing her team, everyone falling in line with the simplest direction. It was a testament to the soldiers, but it was also a testament to her. She knew her team and they knew her. Kasumi set off a flashbang grenade while Shepard, Tali and Garrus overloaded a handful of cameras. Kaidan, Liara, and Miranda added to the barrier, letting it flare out in a flash of blue.

Then they were scrambling for the quickest exits. Half of them going left, the rest going right. Shepard kicked off her heels and fell in next to Kaidan. They were like a well oiled machine at this point; the biotics sending off bursts of energy to distract photographers, while others overloaded cameras.

The escape was executed quickly, and they all ended up together in front of the parking garage two blocks away, waiting for their hired cars to take them all home for the night. Everyone remained quiet, on edge, until their rides arrived. Only then did they start laughing again, talking about the whirlwind escape and how it was like “old times.”

Kaidan piled into the back of the car next to Shepard.

“Never a dull moment, eh?” He bumped her shoulder when he noticed her looking a little crestfallen. “What's wrong?”

“I really liked those shoes,” she said and he laughed.


	10. Chapter 10

“Put. It. On.” Shepard ground out between clenched teeth, looking formidable in her wedding dress. Her shoes and veil were still on the chair by the vanity, and there had only been enough time to let Miranda and Liara put on her foundation before she'd had to deal with the current situation. 

‘The situation’ being a petulant tank bred krogan who was acting like a three year old, rather than a fearsome warrior of Clan Urdnot. 

“No!” He crossed his arms and frowned at the custom made tuxedo in her hand.

“Grunt, do as I say!”

“I'm on security duty, Shepard. I need my armor.”

“YOU'RE AN USHER!”

“Right, security.”

Shepard let her breath hiss out as she counted to ten. “Grunt, you're an usher. Not security. So is Wrex, and he has his tux on.” She nodded toward the other krogan, who seemed way too amused by this confrontation. “He looks very handsome, don't you want to look handsome too?”

“No.”

She let out a strangled scream and it took every ounce of willpower she had not to wring the tux. She finally decided on stepping up to Grunt, lips pursed. She pulled back slightly and then headbutted him with all her might. Grunt stumbled back with the force of it, hand covering his face.

“NOW PUT ON THE TUXEDO!” she bellowed, throwing it at him. He caught it, nodding while he rubbed his forehead.

Wrex was roaring with laughter.

After that was settled the krogan filed out of the room, and Shepard was left in peace to finish getting ready. They were inside the main hall of the Lupine Resort outside of Vancouver. The structure was a huge log cabin, rustic and beautiful on the outside, while the inside was gleaming and opulent; everything about it spoke of elegance and money. After they finished dressing, the bridal party would be taking a small trolley out to the wedding site, which was tucked away from the building, shaded by trees.

“You're sure everyone else has what they need? Should I go—”

“Everyone is fine, Shepard.” Miranda paused with a tube of lipstick in hand. “Calm down, all the bridesmaids are getting ready next door.”

“I know that, I just want to make sure–“

“SHH!”

Shepard glanced up at Liara, eyes narrowing. “Did you just shush me?”

“I did. You need to stop worrying. Everything is fine, you're just a little nervous. Which is normal.”

She didn't think she was nervous, not really. This wasn't like a military strike, or a raid, or anything like that. There wasn't any thread of doubt needling the back of her brain like there had been during the war. The little voice that told her it wouldn't work, that said she needed to prepare more.

No, she was absolutely certain. More so than she ever had in her entire life, but there was _something_. She just couldn't place her finger on it. 

“It's called cold feet, Shepard. Very common,” Miranda said. Shepard hadn’t realized she'd spoken out loud. Great.

She tried her best to quiet her mind as she finished getting ready. Everything seemed a whirlwind of cosmetics and devices she didn't know the name of until she stood in front of the full length mirror in the room, admiring her reflection.

Miranda and Liara had kept her makeup subtle, even though it felt like it'd been caked on. Her skin was smooth, glowing under the lights. Flecks of iridescent eyeshadow glinted every time she blinked. Full lips, covered in a deep red lipstick, curved upward.

“You look beautiful.” Miranda's reflection appeared in the mirror. Her smile faltered though as she scrutinized Shepard. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Shepard nodded. She was sure she was, in truth, but her stomach kept fluttering and something just seemed _different_. Honestly, there had been something different for a while a now, but she hadn't wanted to dwell... or hope. “But could you get Chakwas?”

“Do you not feel well?” Liara was at her elbow, looking worried.

“No. I mean I feel fine.” It was only partially a lie. “I just... I want to talk to Chakwas.”

“I'll get her,” Miranda said and ducked out the door. It was only a minute later when she appeared again with the doctor in tow. The older woman was dressed in a lavender dress, her hair curled slightly, and a medical bag in hand.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes. I just... I want you to run a scan? A little check up?”

Chakwas frowned and shared a long look with Miranda and then Liara, before complying, bringing up her omni-tool for the scan. She was quiet a moment as she started processing the readings.

“Your blood pressure is a little elevated, but I imagine that's just nerves. Everything else seems to be--oh.” She started tapping something on her omni-tool, brows lifting to her hairline. “Oh!”

“What is it?” Shepard couldn't stop from wringing her hands.

Chakwas looked up and met Shepard's gaze, her eyes bright. “You're pregnant.”

Shepard didn't hear much after that, only her heart pounding in her ears. She sank down on the chair by the vanity. She'd missed her period, but she'd never been regular... not since well before she started hunting Saren. The constant stress and heavy exertion screwing up her body in so many ways. She'd only attributed the late period to all the recent stress.

But here she was.... pregnant? Her greatest hope and greatest fear confirmed. It was shocking, and yet it wasn't. 

“I don't... how is it even possible?” She looked up at Miranda, who seemed just as shocked.

“Well, when Cerberus rebuilt you, it was to put you as you were before: a healthy young woman of reproductive age. Though after the Reaper War, and the Citadel... there was a lot of trauma and damage.” Miranda shook her head and looked at Shepard. “I always thought it would be highly unlikely. Leave it to you to defy the odds.”

“Holy shit, I'm pregnant!” She surged to feet, feeling elated. “I need to tell Kaidan!”

“It is nearly time to leave for the ceremony.” Glyph appeared inches from Shepard's head.

“Glyph's right,” Liara said. “I'm afraid if we delay anything, or call the groom back here, it will cause a commotion. Or more of one anyway.”

“Besides, the Major stated he wished to observe certain traditions. I believe avoidance of the bride before the ceremony was one of them.”

“Yeah, thanks Glyph.” Shepard chewed the inside of her cheek while she thought. They were right. She didn't want to cause alarm, and she didn't want people suspecting anything. Not until she'd had the chance to tell Kaidan first. “Okay,” she finally nodded, “I'll wait. I'll find a quiet place at the reception and I'll tell him then.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Liara nodded.

There was a pause, the four women silent. Then Shepard was engulfed in a group hug with a chorus of congratulations.

“Hey! You can't have a group hug without me!” Tali appeared in the doorway, rushing forward to join in.

“TALI,” Shepard cried, grabbing her hands. “I'm pregnant.”

“What?” Tali's head bounced up and down, looking between Shepard's face and her midsection. “I'm going to be an auntie!?”

“Yes!”

 

* * *

They decided to keep the news between the five of them, and Glyph, until Shepard was able to tell Kaidan. Of course there wouldn't be much time to tell anyone else, even if they had wanted. The bridal party took several pictures together with a photographer before they made the short journey to where the ceremony would take place.

Shepard hung back, out of sight, while her bridesmaids walked down the aisle as soft classical music played. People were crammed together, the majority sitting in rows of chairs, a few standing at the back. Kaidan's side was overflowing, but Shepard's was hardly empty.

The entire crew of the Normandy, both Alliance and some ex-Cerberus, her various political connections, and the ragtag friends she had made along the way. Bakara was hanging back as well, watching over her brood before it was time for them toddle down the aisle with the rings, and tossing flowers.

It looked as if a few of the young ones wanted to try to eat the flower petals. Bakara patiently explained that wasn't what they were supposed to do. They seemed to understand finally and she sent them down the aisle, leaving a thick blanket of petals as they went.

The music changed, and everyone seated turned as one to watch Shepard make her way down the aisle. She had no escort, Joker would stand up for her, do the traditional 'giving away' of the bride, during the ceremony.

She kept her eyes trained on the arbor ahead of her. Her bridesmaids stood in a line to the left, the groomsmen to the right. Kaidan's back was turned as he spoke with Hackett, who would be officiating the ceremony, before Vega thumped him in the shoulder and he turned slowly to watch her approach.

Someone had put product in his hair, making the curls stand out in perfect ringlets, and his tuxedo fit him perfectly; accentuating proud shoulders and a trim waist.

He was grinning when he turned around, wide and carefree, and she watched in amusement as his expression slowly changed from pure joy to utter reverence, mouth dropping open slightly, eyes trailing over her.

As she got closer, Kaidan finally met her eyes. “Wow,” he mouthed and she stifled her laughter. Suddenly she needed to be so much closer to him. She quickened her pace, uncaring of the looks she received, and all but bounced up the few steps.

Hackett started the ceremony, Shepard passing her bouquet over to Liara, and Kaidan was still staring. They had decided on fairly traditional vows, neither of them wanting to make a huge speech in front of everyone. Beside, they had already lived through better and worse, sickness and health. What more was there to say?

Kaidan's voice was full of tenderness, his face fond, as he took her hands in his and said, “I do.”

Shepard felt giddy, she could not remember a time when she had been so happy... so full of hope. When it came time for her to say those two words she opened her mouth and blurted,

“I'm pregnant!”

There was a collective inhale as everyone processed what she'd just said, then her friends roared to life, cheering and clapping and stomping their joy. Shepard, however, kept her gaze firmly locked with Kaidan's. He looked so shocked, eyes wide and jaw slack, it was almost comical.

“What?” he finally managed, brows furrowing in confusion.

Then Shepard was worried. Was he not happy? Did he think it was an awful idea that they become parents? That they would screw it up royally?

“I'm pregnant,” she said again, feeling unnaturally timid. She held her breath as his expression changed again. She let out the breath when a huge, stupid grin started to spread across his face, his eyes crinkling at the corners as they welled with happy tears.

“You're pregnant,” he breathed. She nodded and just like that she was scooped up by strong arms, and pressed flush against Kaidan's body. He let out a shuddering breath against her neck.

“Are you happy?” she asked.

“Yeah.” His voice was thick.

“Me too,” she said, carding her fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

“Kiss your bride, Major,” Hackett cut in.

Kaidan pulled back, blinking as if he just realized where they were and what they were supposed to be doing. Then he complied, stooping slightly and pressing his lips against hers. Shepard wound her arms around his neck and returned the kiss, and then her world tipped as Kaidan dipped her backward; which seemed to greatly please her crew, judging by the loud cheers and wolf whistles.

“I'm proud to present Mr. and Mrs. Alenko,” Hackett said, voice raising over the noise.

“You're not taking Shepard's name?” Wrex bellowed, sounding disappointed.

“I'll think about it!” Kaidan called back with a laugh. He turned and took her hand, leading her down the aisle while their guests cheered. His hand was warm and sure and she laced her fingers with his.

“So, a baby, huh?”

“Yup.”

He shook his head. “Did you ever imagine?”

“Not in a million years.” They stopped at the end of the aisle, waiting for the trolley that would take them back to the lodge and the reception area.

“But,” Shepard said as she turned to face him, inching a bit closer. “Nothing with us has ever been by the books.”

“No, I suppose not.” He nodded in agreement, and brought their laced hands up to brush a kiss against her knuckles. “But we're married.”

“We are.”

“Pretty crazy, huh?” His eyes were light, lips curving upward.

Shepard reached up with her free hand, brushed back a few strands of hair from his face and smiled, “Yeah, but I like this kind of crazy.” Then she leaned up and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is an epilogue-thing coming soon (I'm still fiddling with stuff) and then it's all done. Eek! What a fun ride! The idea for this started back in July after a conversation with covenmouse (who I owe a lot of thanks for inspiration) and now it's coming to a close. 
> 
> I want to thank everyone who has commented/liked/given kudos, it means a lot and I appreciate every single one!


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is way late (real life stuff yay!) and super rushed... but it's N7 day! So there ya go, enjoy some really really pointless crack. 
> 
> This entire story has been a really fun experience, I hope you had fun as well! And thank you again for all the comments and kudos, they mean so much!

“Look what I just got!” Kaidan glanced up to find Shepard typing something on her omni-tool. He perked up.

“Did you get the new interface upgrade?”

Shepard looked up at him, nose wrinkled and shook her head, “No. Apparently Glyph filmed everything. Reception included.” 

Kaidan frowned. “Did we ask him to do that?” 

“Nope. But I'm glad he did, I feel like I barely had any time to enjoy the party.” She tapped something onto her omni-tool and a picture projected onto the far wall of their bungalow. They had decided their honeymoon would be somewhere warm, and somewhere remote. The tiny island in the south pacific was perfect; just the pair of them, the beach, and a tiny boat they took to the main island for provisions. 

“Shame. I remember enjoying a stolen moment when someone dragged me into the coat closet.” 

“Really?" Shepard looked up, brows lifted. "Who was that? They sound rather brazen, hauling the groom into a dark corner on his wedding day.” 

“She's always been that way, it's a bit of a turn on.” Kaidan wrapped his arms around Shepard's waist, nuzzling her neck. 

“Tuxedos are a turn on, I've decided. Hence the dragging into dark corners for debauchery.” 

“So I gathered,” he said, pressing a kiss against her temple. His hands drifted over her hips, and he was about to relive that debauchery but Shepard danced away, waggling a finger.

“Later, I want to see the reception video!” 

“It's really just everyone getting drunk, isn't it? Haven't we seen that before?” 

“What if they recorded messages? Don't they do that at weddings? Have friends and family say something special?” 

“If we're listening to 'special messages' from the crew I need that bottle of rum.....” he groaned and started looking through the cupboards of the small kitchenette. 

“Oh, no! If I'm doing this sober, so are you!” Shepard yanked him forcefully to the loveseat in the living area of the bungalow. Why was she so freakishly strong?

“Now,” she pulled his arm around her shoulders and got herself comfortable against his chest, “buckle in and shut up.” 

“Funny, you used to say that before driving off cliffs in the mako.” 

“Hey! First, it's not my fault that thing handled like you were driving through molasses. Second, if they didn't want me to scale mountainsides they shouldn't have made it with such a wonky mass effect field.”

“Of course, blame the—OOF!” Kaidan curled in on himself, hoping to block any further blows from Shepard's elbow, but she seemed happy with the current result and nodded soundly as if she had made her entire point. 

“Now, the vid,” she said lightly. 

“I'm injured,” Kaidan wheezed. 

“You'll live.” Shepard smiled and pecked his lips, before settling against him again, grabbing his arm and drawing it around her shoulders. 

“Comfy?” he asked, glancing down at the top of her head. 

“Yup! Now shhh because I'm starting it.” She hit play and they fixed their gaze on projection on the far wall. 

 

* * *

 

The world zoomed by as Glyph descended from the upper level of the lodge, angling for a better view of the guests arriving to the reception. Most had been at the ceremony, but there were several late arrivals, and even more people not on the guest list at all; not far off were the flashes of cameras and idle chatter of the paparazzi. It appeared they were keeping their distance.

Likely that had to do with the intimidating looking krogan guarding the doors than anything else. Well, it appeared Grunt was guarding the doors. Wrex had abandoned his job as usher and was leaning back against the archway, one leg crossed over the other. 

“No,” Grunt said.

“I'm on the guest li--” 

“No.” 

The woman scrunched up her face, obviously angry, and attempted to face off against the young krogan. Glyph hovered a bit closer to the woman. 

“I'm quite sure I was invited, I have known Shepard for year--”

“I said no. Now go away.” 

Behind them, Wrex laughed and pushed away from his resting place. “I'd listen to him Khalisah, never know what Shepard might do if she sees you.”

“Shoot her?” Grunt offered up. 

Khalisah looked like she was ready to go toe to toe with the krogan, but finally decided better and flounced off, leaving behind a still chuckling Wrex. The clan chief turned around and took up his previous position, leaving Grunt to his job.

“I already told you no!” 

Then the scene changed as Glyph turned and fled inside the lodge, gliding quickly down the entry hall, through the open ballroom and outside to the reception area. White tents had been erected to block the late afternoon sun. Multiple tables were strewn about, ringed with chairs and covered in white tablecloths. One of the larger tents housed a dance floor, with a stage for the band, while another tent contained tables full of food, and a bar. People were milling from one area to another, chatting happily and enjoying the party. 

A young woman stood close to the doors, speaking in hushed tones into her omni-tool. “Look, I'm sorry you weren't invited, Khalisah, but maybe if you hadn't spent the majority of the interviews goading her.”

“You asked her for favors, Emily!” Khalisah's voiced sounded through the omni-tool.

“But I was nice about it! Now stop calling me, I'm not going to sneak you in as my guest.” Emily Wong hung up the call and walked back to the party. Glyph continued on, floating through the crowd, obviously making sure he recorded everyone having a good time. 

In the distance, a salarian with a hovercam appeared a moment before there was a small explosion, and a hooded figure appeared, shoving the salarian away from the party. Glyph focused on the scene for a minute before cruising back to the party. He scanned the crowd, and just beyond the band's stage there was a human with a handheld camera being lifted off the ground, the blue glow of biotics evident as Jack hauled them to the front of the building.... laughing the entire time. 

“Glyph?” Liara's voice sounded from behind. The AI swiveled around, zooming in close on her face. “Glyph, what are you doing?” 

“Recording.” 

“The reception?” She tilted her head. “That's nice, I hadn't thought about doing such a thing.”

“It shall be my gift to Shepard and the Major.” 

“I'm sure they'll appreciate it—Oh no.” Liara shaded her eyes and huffed out a breath. “I have to go stop Javik from scaring Kaidan's cousins.” She started walking toward the buffet, where Javik appeared to be regaling a pair of frightened children with stories from his cycle, explaining why they were soft. 

There was a muffled thump not far off and Glyph whirled around just in time to watch Zaeed drag a flailing paparazzo from the party. Next to Glyph, Kaidan's mother gasped.

“Who was that?” she asked her husband.

“I don't know... best not to ask.” He shook his head, linking his arm with hers and dragging her to the safety of the dance floor. Moving away from the area, Glyph ended up near the bar, where Miranda stood with Orianna, Jack, and a number of Kaidan's relatives.

“And you both worked with Shepard?” 

“Uh, yes.” Miranda shared a glance with Jack. “We worked to take out the Collectors.” 

“Amazing,” Kaidan's uncle breathed. “I can't believe how much she's done for us all.”

“Yes, she is an amazing person.” 

“And is this your daughter then?” He gestured toward Orianna with his glass. Miranda visibly paled while Jack started laughing. She laughed so hard she had to sit on the ground, her legs unable to support her any longer.

“Oh shut up, it's not that funny.” Miranda glared at the other woman. 

“Yes... it is!” Jack gasped.

“I hate you, Jack.” 

Glyph zoomed away again, circling around the party, catching snatches of conversations and more than a few paparazzi disappearing thanks to Zaeed, lurking on the outskirts of the party. 

“I swear I'm on the list!”

“No you aren't. Now put that goddamn camera away or I'll throw you on of the one proximity mines.”

“Mines!?” 

Then the scene suddenly changed, and it was obviously much later in the evening – the lights ringing the tents a brilliant glow in the night. The picture zoomed in close to Shepard's face as she stood at one of the tables, a glass in hand. 

“I would like to thank everyone for attending, it means a lot to Kaidan and myself that you could share this day with us.” She smiled down at Kaidan, and he reached out to squeeze her hand. 

“This is a happy time for us, but I want to take a moment to remember everyone who didn't make it here. We lost a lot of good people, civilians and soldiers alike. I would especially like to give a toast to honor some good friends who saved my life countless times over.” Shepard lifted her glass, everyone around her following suit. “To Legion. Thane Krios. Mordin Solus. David Anderson. And Ashley Williams. You will never be forgotten.”

She drained her glass and sat back down. Kaidan leaned in close, whispering in her ear. She nodded and smiled at him. 

Then the scene shifted again. Glyph hovered over the dance floor as the band introduced Shepard and Kaidan for a dance. There were whoops and cheers as they slow danced, their first as a married couple. Eventually they switched off, Kaidan dancing with his mom while Shepard waltzed with his father. After that the dance floor was opened up to everyone else while Glyph started tracking down individuals, searching for quiet moments to speak with them, asking if they had a message they would like to record for Shepard and the Major.

“Oh, hm.” Garrus hummed, mandibles twitching while he thought. “I wish you both the best? Though I'm surprised at how tame the party is, all things considered. Maybe the next one will be more eventful. Not that you're getting married again, I just mean the next wedding for a Normandy crew member.”

“Who will that be, Vakarian?” Tali appeared at his elbow, her voice cheerful. 

“I don't know? Joker and EDI?” 

“Can AIs get married?” Tali's voice held a frown. 

“If we can destroy the Reapers, I don't see why not?” 

“Right. Is that the only wedding on the horizon?” 

Garrus looked around, shifted his weight uncomfortably. “What exactly do you mean?” 

“Nothing.” Tali sauntered back to the bar. Garrus started after her without another glance at Glyph. 

A black screen and then Glyph was hovering in front of Vega and Cortez, seated at a table with an array of empty glasses in front of them. 

“Oi, Lola! If anyone deserves a happy ending, it's you.” He paused, grinning a bit mischievously. “And here's hoping for a whole mess of niños! I'll come babysit.”

Cortez leaned in front of Vega, “And I'll babysit him when he babysits the kids.” 

“Don't you trust me, Esteban? Shepard would trust me.”

“No comment.” 

Glyph cycled through various friends and family, all giving their well wishes to the couple, offering bits of advice or sharing anecdotes... and only a few extra threats against Kaidan should he hurt Shepard. 

“My advice?” Jacob said, looking up from his daughter bundled in his arms. “Enjoy sleep while you can.” He laughed and Brynn elbowed him gently. “No, it's worth it though. And I know you'll make great parents.” 

“We're looking to settle planetside, so we'll be hoping for lots of playdates.” Brynn laughed. “A far cry from saving the galaxy, but I'm sure you'll manage just fine, Shepard.” 

Another shift and instead of pleasant background chatter or music, there was instead yelling and cursing and threats of violence. Glyph's camera swiveled around to reveal most of the Normandy crew involved in a squabble of some sort. 

Or perhaps it was several at once, it was hard to tell. Hackett stopped beside Glyph, shaking his head and looking rather perturbed by the whole thing.

“These are the people I entrusted to save the Galaxy?” he muttered to Kaidan on his other side. 

“Uh, welcome to the side of the war you didn't see, sir.” 

“I'm not sure if I'm impressed or frightened.”

“Both would be accurate,” Kaidan said just as a loud whistle cut through the ruckus. Glyph's camera panned around to Shepard, who still had her fingers in her mouth. She was glaring at the group, eyes narrowed as if challenging them to make another peep. 

She lowered her hands, “Why the hell are you fighting?” 

A bunch of voices returned full force, exclaiming who started it, or why it wasn't their fault. Shepard took in a deep breath, stuck her fingers in her mouth again and gave an earsplitting whistle.

“For god's sake this is a wedding! Let's not kill each other!”

“Right, leave that for the mercs and Cerberus splinter cells,” Joker said dryly. “Actually, considering most of the universe knows we're all here by now, I'm surprised no one has tried to kill us yet.”

As if that was a cue of some sort, just beyond the large tents there was an explosion that sent the grand majority of people ducking for cover and running for safety as chucks of grass and dirt rained down. Kaidan's family was panicked, screaming and yelling, while Shepard's group turned as one toward Zaeed. 

The ex-merc shrugged lightly, “Like you didn't know the mines were there.”

“The paparazzi didn't,” Kaidan said, frowning.

“They do now.” 

*** 

Everything faded to black as Shepard shut off the feed, “You were right, clearly we needed liquor for that.”

“Not as bad as I imagined. I think everyone was rather tame,” Kaidan said. Shepard looked up at him with a brow quirked. “Tame for them.”

“Right,” she muttered. She rose and stretched, arms overhead. “Now what?”

“Ladies choice?”

She shook her head then proceeded to plop herself down on his lap. “Well, since it's our Honeymoon, I would suggest we start in on that 'whole mess of niños' as Vega said, but you already have that one covered.” 

“Why is that strictly my fault?” He arched a brow. 

“Because....” she drawled the word and rose slowly, a smile spreading across her face. “We're having twins.”

She straightened and started sauntering toward the door, toward the beach and sunshine and surf. Kaidan watched her blithely, processing what she had said. Twins. Huh. He looked at her standing in the doorway, sunlight shrouding her like a golden blanket. 

Commander Shepard: First Human Spectre, Hero of the Citadel... Savior of the Galaxy. 

A living goddess.

But most importantly, in his humble opinion, the love of his life. 

Kaidan rose and crossed to her, taking her outstretched hand, letting her tug him outside into the warm, tropical sun... ready to spend the rest of his life with her.


End file.
